First because old one is almost full Second and more importantly today is the beginning of a new book. Not chapter. I'm sorry Cadet. I can't seem to post old thread on my phone. Which is where I have been dbing. I will do it myself in the future.
W leaves today and I only broke down once. I went to be alone and just cry. She followed and consoled. All that did was ruin me getting the emotions out so I could keep on with my life.
Right now it's seemingly more stressful on her than me. My anger last week and realization I didn't like being so effected by her made something click. I am feeling happy a lot more. And pretty good at faking it when I need to.
None of this has been or is going to be easy. It's all relearning how to live my life for me. Keeping myself busy and DBING like a pro.
Today is the beginning of a long story.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/18/1607:31 AM. Reason: Link
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I guess this is where it begins. She's gone and honestly I don't think I could feel worse right now. So that means it's all happier from here right? Lol.
It was a very emotional goodbye. By far the hardest thing I have ever done It makes me stronger tho.
Onward and upward right?
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
What am I supposed to do when I get this in text messages
And thank you, for the last 5.5 years... even through the good and the bad i did always love you, and a part of me alwaye will.no matter what.
And how are you holding up?
I haven't answered either. How am I supposed to take the first one? Are you f ing kidding me? 3 months of dealing with this bs and her coldness to say that?
An how do you think I am? Doing jumping jacks an cartwheels?
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I've posted a bit recently on how to reply to texts.
If you took away your fear, your needs, your anger, your pain, and all that was left was just a moment of peace, content, closeness with God, appreciation for your new life...what would be left? This is your higher self. This is the voice you need to speak from.
Personally I would reply. If you died tomorrow I wouldn't want to have left a legacy of not responding, acting coldly. But I wouldn't be all needy/clingy like "I love you forever". I would just call it how it is. Something like "It's all good. We had our fun along the way, and I know great things are in both our futures."
Then go and make that a reality
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Tyler, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. It will get easier with time. The best thing for you to do is stay busy. It will help keep your mind off of things. Nights are the hardest for me. I have been hanging out with family and friends which is something I never could do before because H is so controlling/jealous. Read the DR book and anything else you can get your hands on. I know you've heard it over and over, but you really need to start the 180 and no contact. It will help. And, come here for support whenever you need it. So many of us are (or were) right where you are right now. I'm no expert on here, but there are many that are and will chime in I'm sure. Just take care of yourself and stay busy. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! That's my motto these days.
As for the texts, I would just ignore them for now. Don't respond at all. She KNOWS how you're doing. She SAW you break down in tears. She knows that she is ripping your heart out. If she cared that much, she would stop the affair and work on the commitments she made to YOU. Just ignore the texts, it will make her wonder what's going on with you. The more she thinks you're NOT interested, the more she will be.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Time will help. She was very emotional leaving too. I understand some of her tears were guilt.
In DR it says to set little goals and notice them. I get that it was an emotional moment but one of my goals was affectionate contact. There was a moment when I was holding it all back and a tear fell. She wiped it away and initiated a hug for the first time since this began. And then grabbed hips and squeezed. There was little moments before she left. But she left and didn't come back.
I'm not going to initiate contact. As for 180s tho. I was distant and she didn't feel loved. Continuing down that path won't help. The 180 tho is showing I care without being needy or pushing.
Some days are good some are bad. Just have to roll with it sometimes
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Hey Tyler, I recall this was a very difficult time for me as well. You are right that some days will be good and some bad. In time more days will be good.
Keeping busy will certainly help. As this transition is still fresh you can expect your mind will wander all over the place if you sit still.
I am now at a place where I can appreciate time to myself and be less busy without mind wandering over everything that has gone on. It just takes time to get to that point. I still think about my sitch routinely, but not as emotionally now.
I also suggest taking this opportunity to detach further and more focus on you. It will likely be easier with less physical contact with your w. Focusing on you and kids all you can really do now. That and keeping any interactions you do have with her as positive and upbeat as you can.
Stay strong.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Thank you for all the support everyone. MB. You are right in that I have to keep distance and have her wondering about me. Be the distancer not pursuer. Enigma. It's always great when people support you through tough times they pulled through. I am very happy you are at that place in your life. It seems so far away to me. And Zeus. I cannot read enough of what you say. Between the information and the reminders that this is in Gods hands. Looking at life like what would I do if I were gone tomorrow. It hits home. In DBing I focused so much on changing myself and detaching I lost who I was and wanted to be. I need to change into who makes me feel good.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I remember the day my W left Tyler. It was hell. One of the top 3 worst days of my life. And now it's in the past. I can still go back there and feel it, but it's not nearly as powerful as it was.
Each day that passes puts some distance between you and the pain. Every action you take to make yourself into that man you want to be puts even more distance between it. Enough of those actions turn you into a man that can become thankful for the space she provided for you by leaving. You know the recipe now: HARD work + time = freedom.
I don't think you need to respond to the txt, at least not with anything specific. She knows how you feel and is texting for her, not for you. Remember that. Your reply costs you, hers cost you as well.
Today is one day in a long series of days my man. Stay strong, let this one burn, but not break you. So many of us have been right where you are and felt what you're feeling and we wouldn't wish it upon our worst enemy. I have a ton of compassion for what you're experiencing and even more respect for how you're handling it.
Breathe some more.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks PP. every bit of support helps me feel so much better. I am lucky to have 4 amazing children that take up my time. When I'm here alone again. Then it's going to be the test.
Also. Is it bad I miss the dog more right now? Kids leaving a mess and I have to clean it up....
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
