Here again after 9 years and struggling 2

[Irish M]

Hi Inpain

I honestly don't think he cares that he is damaging his relationship with them. I am so shocked at this side of the situation. Maybe I should start sending texts asking where he is or asking if he's still coming over in future when he does this?

You don't know if he cares or not. You can't mind read. It may just be the guilt inside him is too much so he avoids contact, it could that he is out and time got away from him, maybe he just decided not to come.

Don't text him asking him the why. He will see you as his mother. That the last person you want to be.

This is where you need to protect yourself and your kids from H. As time goes on the disappointment your kids and yourself feel will triple, quadruple... Detaching and not thinking about the why he didn't come or how he feels will help you get stronger. You protect yourself from anger, jealousy and disappointment. Your kids will see you not caring if he comes over or not. They too will start to disconnect

I'm not going to tell you how this crisis your H is in is tearing him apart. He's hurting, running. I use to wonder and worry about my W. Until I got to the point and said to myself that W is in this alone. I pulled myself out of all this and looked at me and my D's. I got stronger and my mind is clear.

I want you to work on that. Don't care about the what and why's he does the things he does. Leave that to him. His problem. Remove that problem of HIS from your life and the kids lives.

I know I say it often. Detach... Let him go. Put your boundaries in place and protect you and your kids. You will be so much better once you see them not asking about your H anymore. It does get better. I read all your post and some of them you are so strong. Then H upsets you or your kids and the emotions take over and you fall. Remove the emotion of H. Stay strong.

Hugs
Irish