Is - The harder you fight to keep her, the more she will resent you. This is why you're supposed to be focusing on you. You are doing far too much watching of W.
In my case, I let H go. He was making me miserable right along with him. I decided it would be best to give him what he thinks he wants - how else will he ever be able to figure out he's making a mistake?
If she is just bound and determined that this is what she wants, give it to her. Focus on you. A lot of times this is what turns the situation around - but it never works if you're doing it as a test. You have to really let go.
Hi Anc - scenario above has been going through my mind for a week or so - of course it affects me. But I had no real answer to the question.
If I 'trap' her by not moving out , then I guess she has no choice but to file. She will not move out that is for sure. She can't force me out.
Alternatively, I validate, and agree to what she wants with a few stipulations - like the size of the accommodation - its location - co parenting arrangements and finances of course.
I would have to stop seeing my IC as well - I couldn't afford it.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
It's pretty horrible at the moment. W has gone cold with minimal communication. I just want to get away to Greece - 26 hours to go.
I can't even GAL properly as it is too icy to cycle - I'm going to the gym instead, the same gym as W except we are going in separate cars. She is taking the boys to Kids club and Active crew.
This time last year during an icy January, W loved me and we enjoyed our gym mornings as a family and afterwards sat in the jacuzzi watching the boys swim in the pool..
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
24 hours to go - just done a 10k on the treadmill in the gym. Now to keep out of W's way until this evening when she is going out.
Then I should get breathing space in Greece to get a plan together as to whether to accept a separation or not.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W has mellowed a bit this afternoon but obviously doesn't want my company. At least she is talking to me civilly.
She has gone out for a coffee with a friend and later is going out for a meal or drinks with one of her Best GFs - probably to talk about me and how I wont leave and to discuss what to do.
I hate what this woman is doing to my family and can't wait to get away to Greece for a few days even though I will miss the kids.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I'm so sorry, Is. This is beyond awful. I'm having a rough morning, too. Mine is more about coming to terms with my loss - but, hurting is hurting, right?
Ironically, my tears have been about our children, too, although mine are all adults. They are disgusted with their father, and don't reach out to him. But they feel guilty about doing that, so they don't really reach out to me, either. They would answer if I called, but I am sickened that they are even in this position to begin with.
How H can say "they'll be fine" is really beyond me. Yes. They'll be fine, eventually. But why hurt them in the first place? H is so tied up in his selfish pursuits, he is oblivious to the pain he's leaving in his wake.
So - yeah. Rough morning. I just wish, that like you, I could fly off to Greece for a week! Look on the bright side, Is. You're off on an adventure while you think a bit. Please take at least 10 minutes a day to enjoy yourself. Don't let W ruin this for you, too.
Detach. Tell her you're going to do a lot of thinking while you're away, but don't tell her about what. Maybe it'll shake her up just the tiniest bit. That's all I've got today.
I'd say nothing if I were you. Get through the next 24 hours and use the time away to pull your thoughts together.
You have a habit of playing the worst case scenario out in your head in advance. Yes it helps to be mentally prepared but it keeps your thinking on stuff you cannot control and on stuff that affects your mental attitude, which affects your thoughts which affects your actions which affects your interactions which affects IF it will happen.Change your focus.
Good luck mate.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
She'll be talking to anybody and everybody about her sitch and how you're such a t**t. Unfortunately, it's part of the territory and she will only side with people who buy in to her version of the story.
Trust me, the trip to Greece will be a bit of a relief - enjoy!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Roiste/Huddy thanks for the contribution - I do seem to fear the worst all the time. It's the R talks that scare the crap out of me.
I'm in Greece and it's bloody cold! When for a 5k run and with the wind chill it was about -10C (14F)!
I'm with a colleague , young, female and Polish , so that is good fun, and keeps me from reading these threads all evening.
Interactions with W yesterday morning before I left were better, no resentment and she is communicating more, but still doesn't want to be in my company for long. She is always making herself busy.
She definitely noticed the huge hugs the boys gave me before I left for the airport and she texted me to make sure I wasn't late for checkin as she was the cause of me setting off late.
She FB messaged me later re a transaction she is doing on our 'joint' eBay account. Not much else of note.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Are you anywhere near the ocean? I love the ocean so much - I really should be living on an island. I'd move to the UK in a heartbeat if I could figure out a way to do it. That would be so amazingly wonderful!
I like cooler weather, rain, and the ocean - not many places here like that, and the few there are...pricey!
Have fun, Is. You really deserve some relaxation if you can find any time to do so.
