No, I've been looking at some old chums on the forum, but have been super busy, so not had much chance to post!
The incident with the card Roiste had to be seen to be believed. My W handled it with such aggression - pushing stuff in to my hand, expecting me to sign without reading; expecting me to cut cards up in front of her - I had to say no otherwise I would have come over as a pushover. I'm not quite sure how any of my actions came over as controlling. I simply refused to do what she wanted, when she wanted it done. It would have been humiliating to do all this in front of my three kids. Don't forget, she then wanted me to do something that favoured her, not me.
I have been without the kids this weekend, so I went for a good six mile walk. I had something to eat whilst I was out and although it was incredibly cold, I enjoyed it. W had asked me to help her move the big TV from storage at my flat to her temporary accommodation. I agreed to do this on Saturday and asked her to contact me to tell me what time she wanted to do it etc. She didn't call, so I left it. I had planned a GAL activity tonight, but as it's snowing and really cold, I decided that the TV was more entertaining. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to go out, but it would have meant a 22 mile round trip, and the night bus home - in the snow, sometimes you've got to say no!
I can't help, though, shake the feeling of redundancy. One minute you're a valued part of the family, next, with no warning, you're no longer required. That is the only part I am having difficulty with. I also fear the day I may have to do dating - at 43 the pool of available people is low and whilst I have got my confidence back, I'm not sure I can muster the ability to put my 'bullsh!t' filter back on. That is one thing I have developed, that I don't like; the inability to actually talk to somebody and if they start stringing me a line, I can't help but tell them I think they are talking nonsense and I walk away or move on to somebody else. It'll come with time, I suppose - lack of trust and all that!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
