Anyone who knows me probably wouldn't be shocked at this, but I've never done karaoke. NEVER. EVER.
I'm honestly not sure why, but self-doubt and never wanting to be the center of attention are huge parts of it.... I'll just stick to singing in the shower, thank you very much :-p
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Mona my friend I had my fill. I enjoy every moment just the way it is. To tell you the truth, I find reality a real trip.
Dear Jelly, I've grown attached to your kind heart. I care about how you are feeling. You are my friend and I feel for you. I am happy this happens, I have learned empathy on this journey of self discovery. Maybe no empathy is a FOO issue?
Fo, I don't feel like going out. I work, come home, exercise, cook dinner, watch a little TV and then hang out here. I am content with my life. Next week I start my spring class and that will keep me busy two nights a week. What I wish I could do is snuggle with my woman but I got a better chance at winning the power ball and I don't even have a ticket. I would love to go on a road trip in the party bus with you fine ladies but we can't go any where windy.
Dday, I can't hold a tune. I have many fine qualities but singing is not one of them. When I sing dog's howl.
Ancaire, I'd love to hear and see you sing.
SciDad, my singing skills rank far below yours.
Thank you all for dropping by. I love you all and appreciate your support. Be well
Mutatio, I feel like I've been absent from your thread lately. I've been so busy and my head is in a different world lately. I just wanted to check in and say good night and I totally don't get the windy comment, but ok, we won't go anywhere windy.
I, like you, am a homebody, but I've been getting out because the tension and quiet at home was unbearable for so long. I feel like I've become another person. Whether this is the true me or a coping mechanism remains to be seen. Probably somewhere in the middle.
I am exhausted and checking in, but feeling very superficial tonight. I just want to say hi and hoping to connect again soon. Sweet dreams Mutatio, you are still one of my favorite people. Have a great night.
To your comment about my self confidence, I say that it is more about the overall view we have of the world around us and the values we hold at our core being. If you have toiled through my wacky life story, you could conclude that I would be a complete degenerate and was capable of the most heinous acts imaginable. I have chosen to walk above the past and accept it for what it was. I have chosen to be the best me I can be. We as humans cannot control the actions of other humans, we cannot help someone who doesn't chose to help themselves. We can however chose to be what we want to be. I do want to stay married to my W and I do want to give it sufficient time to be sure that I can walk away knowing what I did was everything I could do, but I will never compromise my self worth for the benefit of someone who chooses to smear feces on me while I wait around hoping they see the light.
You seem like a very practical and happy person overall and it pains me to see someone like you suffer at the hand of another. All of us deserve more, all of us deserve to be happy and healthy. There isn't one reason I can come up with that is to the contrary. We can decide to not decide as well as decide to decide. No one is stopping anyone from doing so. Our main adversary resides within.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
Thanks for stopping by 2, I get what your saying, I really do. I think I get down on myself for my part in marriage. I believe the lack of self confidence comes to into play when I am doing things I have no previous experience in or uncertainty on how to proceed.
When I design, create, build, the laws of the physical world rule and I know what I'm doing and how to do it. I am good at this, sometimes brilliant. Dealing with humans is not that way. I am trying to let go of particular outcomes and embrace the chaos. At times I find it entertaining.
I think very highly of the man you are. I know you, now, in this present moment. Your experiences in the past contributed to the man you are now. Through all those experiences and in those moments of important choice, you did the right thing. You can only play the hand your dealt. You have played it well.
Something in my past makes it hard for me to see that with myself. I have friends here that will help me find that bent and twisted component and put myself back in working order. This I will do. This is my top priority. Thanks for your support 2
Hi Fo, after I posted I saw your post. To clarify, the windy comment was to referencing myself. It would be embarrassing to be walking around with you beautiful women from the party bus in the wind. See it (bad choice of words) has been over a year since me and my wife were close. Just the wind blowing is stimulating enough to get things going. It's been so long I'm not even embarrassed now, I'm laughing at the situation. What a trip this has been.
Mu, you just made my laugh. I was trying to convince myself that I was entitled to one "free" weekend for every 6 months of DB'ing because I am only human. I don't think that would go over very well in the event of eventual reconciliation.
Makes you wonder what our spouses are doing for relief, doesn't it? Ugh, not going there. I just bought an outfit inspired by the sexy Mona, my H isn't going to know who is meeting him at the airport. That is, if he comes back for a visit. And if I pick him up. LOL. I've got to learn to walk in heels now. Be glad you are a man, these heels hurt.
Mut, I had to drop by before another thread fills up! Withyour fan club that happens quick nowadays! I would be jealous of your fans if I didn't countmyself amongst them. Haha.
How are you working on your character traits? I am reading a lot, being more aware and trying to change slowly. Interested in your approach
Love your title as always.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Was reading one of my books and got to a section on forgiving oneself and thought of you also. You just said in a recent post you are so hard on yourself from the past and need to forgive yourself. "You have screwed up in the past. You will screw up again. Every human is born with the ability to make spectacular mistakes. You are not alone, screwing up is not your special skill. Get over it. Dragging around guilt and self-criticism is beyond unhealthy and is utterly pointless, not to mention boring. You aren't a better person for feeling guilty or bad about yourself, just a sadder one.
Get clear on this one truth: guilt, shame, and self-criticism are some of the most destructive forces in life, which is why forgiving yourself is one of the most powerful. Here's an excellent way to do it:
This of a specific thing that you did that you feel badly about. Call it up in your mind and feel it in your body. Repeat the following over and over while thinking of it and really feel what you're saying to yourself:
Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully. I am an awesome person. I choose to enjoy life. I choose to let go.
Repeat this until you feel a sense of freedom and lightness around your issue. It may take a day or a week or several months or it could happen right away. But however long it takes, do it, because if you want to be free, you have to put in the time."
Not sure if it helps or not but the book mentioned it has other methods in a later chapter that I can share when I get to them.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Dear Jelly, I've grown attached to your kind heart. I care about how you are feeling. You are my friend and I feel for you. I am happy this happens, I have learned empathy on this journey of self discovery. Maybe no empathy is a FOO issue?
Thank you Mu. I feel your kindness and empathy for me I do. It is appreciated and sorry if I came across as dismissive.
I have a favour to ask with regard to your experience of empathy for me. I wonder if you are able to extend some for your self for a moment. You choose where. You could you say to Mu, "I feel for you".
V can likely speak more to this than I can. When we cut of an emotion, we cut of many aspects of ourselves. It is a coping mechanism. I saw it with Mr Ex, spinal injury at 24 years, left him in a wheelchair. He prided himself on only crying once, and getting on with life 5 days later. He only ever experiences positive emotions, and has next to no empathy for anyone experiencing negative emotion. He has cut himself off from ever feeling down or sad. Because what would happen if he actually experienced his own sadness. Likely his fear told him it would kill him. But his inability to be empathetic killed my connection to him and his to me.
That's where true intimacy in relationships lives. In the empathy we have for the other person. Intimacy and connection also comes from our ability to be empathetic to ourselves. If we cannot fully accept ourselves for ourselves, then we can't stand vulnerable and naked (literally and figuratively) in front of the person we love and anticipate empathy, love and acceptance.
This is my journey Mu. So thank you for reminding me to allow others to be empathetic toward me.
So much love for you Mu. I hope it touches your heart and empty places just a little.
