Here again after 9 years and struggling 2

[inpain]

I've been a funk all day. We had the best family. People loved our family - we got invited everywhere!

Yet - in one fell swoop, my H destroyed that, and doesn't see it for what it is. "We still have a family." Um, no...we don't.

Ancaire, this describes what our Hs have done perfectly! In one fell swoop everything is destroyed. It breaks my heart. My children are still too young to understand the true ramifications of his actions. Every birthday, Christmas, holiday etc is going to sting for the rest of their lives. Despite how much I want him back I truly hate him for that. It isn't all that long until our little girl's birthday and he won't be there for her family birthday tea that we traditionally have. She is going to be heartbroken. (I could call my H a very unpleasant name here).

He's really getting to me with his pursuit of a friendship.

One of my fellow DBers advised that I act "as if", because a lot of good can come from a friendship. I don't know if I can do it. I believe I'm more detached than not, and I don't want to be around him.

I know exactly what you mean. I think after this week where my H had me almost convinced he was coming home with all his let's play house and happy families charade I need to leave the house whenever he comes. I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be his wife.

I don't know why I'm telling you this - I think it's because today has been a bit rough - and I'm wanting you to know that I really do understand. It seems I'm a bit rough on you sometimes with all my "detach, detach, detach". I just know it's your best shot at saving your sanity.

I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time. I think we are bound to for a long time, that's another thing that hurts about all this, you just know in your heart of hearts that it is going to sting over and over for a long time. I don't think you're too hard on me, I appreciate all of the advice I'm getting on here. I think I seem like I'm not taking it on board, I think I'm still in some kind of denial. I truly cannot believe this is happening and every morning when I wake up it's like ground hog day where I realise what's happened all over again. It is so draining and so hard.