Thanks everyone. I'm in my little green room, almost have the floor and bed cleared off so I and the dogs can fit in here. The worst of it is over. I don't know why W is doing NC, but that's what's happening I guess. Oh well, I'm not going to focus on that, I hope. My new housemates: a mom and 15 year old son and a retired h.s. English teacher who is into Buddhism and meditation. Mom cooked dinner for teacher's birthday. Very nice. It's going to be a completely different life. I was queen of my castle, now I'm at camp. But it's OK. Today I am OK. I have a roof, heat, food, dogs, friends, and you all. And soon I'll have floor space and a bed cleared of stuff. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers today. xo
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hi NY, I'm glad you've reached this point and it sounds like a nice living situation for a while - safe, warm & some company. I'm glad to read the gratitude in your post above too - practicing gratitude has helped me during this process too....it makes my H less central when I remember the lovely things I DO have, despite his absence.
Enjoy the peace and the change in lifestyle - you are on a new (albeit unasked for adventure) my friend. Xx
(Oh, and you are right not to focus on W - who knows what she's up to in her sandbox. Keep refocusing away from that...)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I had forgotten that my IC suggested I write down every day what I'm grateful for. Thanks for reminding me, Sotto.
I'm doing a fair job of not thinking about W. There's less actual heartache. I mean a real physical ache. But it's still there. Her nugget of info the other day about how she has serious concerns about OW, and that "there's something wrong but I can't put my finger on it" is something I'm still obsessing over. Of course it gives me hope. I call my friend J often when I need to be reminded that there are plenty of reasons to think we might just turn this around and get back together. I need that now, and I'm not ashamed of it. It's the thing that makes the days and nights (almost) bearable.
I hope I don't start driving by to see if OW's car is there. Maybe I'll treat it like an alcohol or drug addiction and resist one day at a time. It scares me to even think about doing that. I don't want to know. I can't bear the thought of her in my bed, living my life. I would be shocked if that's happening, given the "serious concerns" message.
I suppose it's possible that W said those things just to keep me hoping, but she's not like that. Or at least she wasn't.
I did bring my favorite framed photograph of us with me, and it's on my dresser. We looked so happy in those early days. It's my inspiration not only to get her back, but also to become that glowing person again. I had confidence and was so happy. Of course, I was 10 years younger...
I so wish I knew what's going on in W's head. It's a complete mystery. I have to trust that getting on with my life will help ME, and I can't help thinking about how it might help her find her way back to me, too. I still love her and I miss her terribly. There's that ache again.
It's going to be weird when it's time to get up, but I really have nowhere to go in this house. I'm so glad I have you all to vent with and cry with and eventually laugh with.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hi NYGal - Just stopping by to offer you some support. These are the worst days. Really. You are at the bottom, but you're already looking towards getting up and out. This hurts like nothing anyone who hasn't been through it can imagine. I really feel for you - and truly understand what you're going through. I'm so sorry. (((NYGal)))
Please don't become a stalker. If you have to grit your teeth, white-knuckle it, and take it one day at a time - do so. Don't ever drive by there. Ever.
What is WAW is looking out the window? You just let her know you still care, and that you're snooping. Don't do that - for your own self-respect.
What if OW is out front, and sees you drive by? What is she grins at you? Do you want to put yourself through that? Dont't do it.
We've got one here who is driving by. We're doing our best to stop her. It does no one any good at all, and prolongs the pain. You've got the basics down pat. Just do it; one day at a time, then one week at a time - you'll build a fear in her that she's really lost you. At that point, many things could happen.
The point is though, NONE of them will happen as long as you're in the picture. Remind yourself of this as often as you need. This is some hard, hard work you're doing.
Post here, vent here...we've all been there and are happy to help you through.
I just have this feeling about you - I think you're going to do really well as soon as you put your mind to it. I really do.
Saw this on Pinn's thread a while ago and really liked it:
I always like this scene from one of my favorite movies called Swingers.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her? Rob: You don't call. Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her. Rob: Right. Mike: So I don't call either way? Rob: Right. Mike: So what's the difference? Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her? Rob: Right. Mike: Well that [censored]. Rob: Yeah, it [censored]. Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her? Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite. Mike: What do you mean? Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Mike: There's the rub. Rob: There's the rub.
Hi everyone. I'm unpacking and settling in. Kind of down, sad. But OK. I'm going to have lunch with a friend now. And dinner with another. But I miss W so much. She hasn't, of course, tried to contact me. We never really agreed on what this would look like, never even discussed it.
I do so appreciate everyone checking in. The achy pain in my heart and gut is getting a little bit less, maybe...
The green room is OK. I've thrown away a lot of stuff, put other stuff together to try and sell on EBay, and some to a vintage jewelry store. If I can purge and make a little cash, that will be good.
Hugs to you all. Let's GAL on this Saturday.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
