Back to square one, not sure I can do this again!

[NYGal]

Hey MB, Rain, Ancaire and Runnr. Can I join your party?

How can these OW and OM just think they can waltz in and lay claim to our partners/spouses/lives? Makes me sick.

I should have told W to take a hike when we were planning to go to a women's basketball game and W had the audacity to say to me that she didn't want to sit with me because it might give OW the wrong impression!!! I can't believe I stood for that. What a doormat. Someone told me to read Co-Dependent No More. Sounds like a good one.

I agree with Rain. OW is a royal pain. She sounds so arrogant. To walk in there when you're in the house! If she's got the chutzpah to do that now, just wait until she tries to pull that crap on your H. He won't stand for it, is my guess.

Let's remember the lighthouse. I like that analogy. We can whimper and cry when we're alone.

[- MB -]

Rain,
It's always good to hear from you. I so agree with your opinion of the OW, she really is a piece of work! Yesterday and today have been really hard for me. They have been hard because today is HER birthday and I know they are together. It just eats me up. I know I'm supposed to work on detaching and I do try, but considering that I have been unsuccessful so far, this is excruciating. I just keep wondering what he got her (aside from the sex that I no longer get to have). Did I ever tell you what he gave me for my birthday which was a week before BD? A freaking hair dryer! Who gives their spouse a blow dryer for their birthday? I'm sure SHE had something to do with that. Anyway, I really am trying not to focus on it I'm just not very good at stopping myself these days.

I have been trying to GAL, just haven't been real sure where to find one. Tonight I went to the VFW with a friend (and her date). She was the only one there that I actually knew, but we hung out with a group of people that she knew. Okay, it was the VFW so most everyone there was older than me, and it was karaoke night. I sat there most of the night...just sitting there drinking my Diet Coke (I don't drink alcohol) and trying not to inhale too deeply because it was SO SMOKEY in there. Eventually, she dragged me to the dance floor and made me do a line dance with her. Neither of my H liked to dance so I haven't actually danced in public for over 25 years! Some guy named Terry must have gotten tired of me bumping into him because he reached out and took my hand, pulled me close and started counting the steps out for me and telling me what to do. He was so sweet and I'd say at least 10 years older than me. About 30 minutes later he came to my table and asked me to dance again. I tried to tell him I can't dance, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He was probably sorry when he realized I was serious! Again, he talked me through the dance so I would know what to do (It was a waltz). LOL. After that, I heard him sing a couple of songs and he was really good. I stood up to leave and he came over one last time and asked me to dance. I didn't resist this time, I just went with him. It was a slow dance and he pulled me so close we were right up against each other and he kept leaning down to talk to me and sing in my ear. At the end he told me thank you for dancing with him and gave me a big hug. I thanked him too. Told him he had no idea how much better he made me feel. It was just nice to have someone put their arms around me and WANT to talk to me. I can definitely see how we could all be considered vulnerable in any new relationship because it just feels so good to have someone want to spend time with you. And, no, he wasn't interested in me like that and neither was I, I'm just saying that I could see that it wouldn't take much for someone to suck me into a relationship at this point because of how lonely I feel every day. I am not looking for, nor am I open to a new relationship, that was just an observation I made tonight.

Anyway, that was my GAL activity for the night. Just thought I'd share.

[Rain75]

MB..im sorry. The ow birthday sux. I dealt with a couple now and he was with her for one. Me at home. And home texting her and tearing up because he wanted to be with her but couldn't.

I'm already pissed at him and remembering that just made it worse.

I am so glad you went out and had a nice time. And I agree with you, we are very vulnerable right now. I'm lonely too.

Maybe I will stay away from the VFWs

[- MB -]

LOL. VFW, who knew? It was just an observation I made within myself. I don't actually believe either of us was interested in the other for anything other than dancing. I could just tell by the way it felt to have someone just BE NICE to me, that it woulnd't take much to suck me in. I still love and miss my H, I'm also tired of the emptiness and loneliness that consumes me every day.

I am very upset about the birthday thing expecially because of how he treated me on MINE back in September. He didn't take time off work to be with ME. And, a hair dryer! I guess I should have just been happy with the gift. And, as far as he knew, I was. I can remember one of my friends at work got yard lights from her H one year on her bday. LOL.

It is very hurtful and hard for me every single time I know he is out of town visiting her. It's just worse this time because it's her bday. I will feel better when I know he's back in town and away from her. I realize that they will still be talking/texting, but just knowing he's not physically with her is easier for me.

How are you doing Rain?

[Rain75]

A hair blower I would be okay with I got nothing for my birthday one year and then it was her birthday and he got her a gift and took her out. The next year on her birthday he stayed home but was texting her non stop.

I'm in the other camp on OW I think had it just been physical it would have been easier to handle on my end. Easier to forgive, it is the strong EA that still has me reeling.

How am I? Not so great but a lot better than I have been.

[Rain75]

And I gave you a summary of my sitch on my thread. It was 1 OW.

[- MB -]

The emotional connection I tell myself is because of his "confusion." The physical part I have a real problem with. I just can't get the picture of him climbing on top of her out of my head. It isn't something that I actually saw, I just picture it in my head over and ove and it sickens me. The thought of him holding her and touching her. Maybe because I have asked him for so long to touch me more...hold my hand, put arm around me, etc. And, I got nothing.

[Rain75]

I hear you. I too was deprived of affection during his mess of both PA and EA, though not as much during EA. I guess since I have brothers and friends that tell me men are visual and physical....that they can have sex with a woman that they have zero feelings for. I suppose that is why I say a strictly PA would have been easier to forgive.

For me the emotional kills me. Knowing he was sweet to her and loving and romantic. That he put thought into her birthday and their dates. That she got flowers and gifts "just because" he was thinking of her. Knowing we would be out with the kids or home watching tv or talking and she was on his mind. That was harder on me.

[- MB -]

Yes, that part [censored] as well. To know that he sent HER flowers for no reason, but I only got them on valentiene's day, bday, and anniversary. That he would take her out to eat and waste money on hotel rooms and whatever else when I can't even pay my bills and he knew it but didn't care to help me...ever. Or, would take me out to eat without me asking him to, then complain because he paid for my meal. The hard part with that is KNOWING that he took her places for no freaking reason that we had gone together for a special occasion (anniversary). It's like he can't even think up anything new with her, he just takes her to places that We went. I get mad just thinking about it. I made it sound like we often went special places together, but we didn't. I can only think of TWICE and that's because we had just separated and he was TRYING, but that didn't last long!

[- MB -]

Funny thing is that I'm sure the OW thinks she is getting this nice, wonderful, caring, compassionate, fun, thoughtful, romantic partner and that is NOT him at all. Not even close. Boy won't she be surprised when she "wins" him and then he stops pretending.