Rain, I think I must have missed something. What happened to the OW? What's with your fiance's sudden flip of the switch? Wasn't it just recently he was going to come see the kids, but then made hook up plans with some young thing he found online? I have definitely missed something. I will have to go back and reread your thread until I figure out what I missed! Maybe it was when you started a new thread? So confused!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
And, as far as your fiancé goes, he is the one that created this mess. If you're not ready, or if you think you're done, don't hesitate to tell him that YOU need space. It's HIS fault that you had to move on. But, now that you're trying to, he can't blame you for that. This is his doing. He certainly didn't care if YOU didn't want space when he was with OW. You do what is right for you and your kids. Not to mention that this isn't the first time. What is he doing to reassure you that this will never happen again?
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Yes I definitely will watch Sliding Doors again! I think I'm a little too giddy about a movie but.... it is the wee hours and I'm sleep deprived.... plus hey whatever works right?
So since I know these are just the ramblings of a mad LBS and no one will actually be upset for me giving anything away from the movie....Gwyneth Paltrow has one of the worst BDs ever as she walked in on her BF having sexual relations in her bed.
And then she:
GALed 180ed with her look 180ed with her career Went NC/dark No R talks
And yes it is just a movie but I'll take whatever inspiration I can get right now.
Well, I haven't heard of that movie before, but I might just look for it. Is it on Netflix?
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
It was SO hard just seeing H and OW face to face and only about a foot away from each other. I can not imagine walking in on them having sex in our bed. I am positive that my heart would just stop right there.
I don't know how, but I'm sure that guy somehow denied that they were having an affair! LOL
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
My XF had a PA that started over 2 years ago. Lasted for a year. It then became an EA that lasted until BD in December.
He was around for a couple of weeks. Constantly texting and saying he was sorry. But I was like f@ck that and kept him blocked from calling and a couple of weeks ago, he started on the blasted websites.
Spending money we did not and do not have to join various sites. And even if he is being honest (because Waywards are totally known for their honesty right) and it is just to relieve himself. He was/is doing it. He has said he stopped. No way for me to know.
And now he is calling and texting a lot more. And is seemingly worried about family practicalities when he hasn't been. He also got very upset when he called me today and I did not pick up but replied with a text asking him to call me at X time because that is when I would be home.
I was taking my daily walk. And my weightloss project is none of his business. So of course he "respects" my request by calling me back to back to back. I finally answered and all he asked is where are you and who are you with. Neither of which I answered. Just thought...you have got SOME nerve buddy!
Then he called and text for a few hours. His last call was at almost 11pm so I did not answer. I NEVER initiate texts or calls and I STOPPED questioning him. So not really appreciating that he is doing this just because he is uncomfortable thinking there might be someone in my life.
And that is why I said if I had gone there tonight there may have been someone else there. Maybe not. Who knows.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
The last time I saw H before going NC again, he asked if I worked the night before. I sat there debating whether or not to answer for about 30 sec, then I said that I had. He then asked if I went to the bank when I got off work. I was like, HUH? Why would you think I went to the bank? He again asked me and I told him that I had not gone to the bank when I got off work. At that point, he started fishing for info. I asked why he thought that and he said because he saw me going down this back road tht I would NEVER take to get home unless coming from the bank. He was wondering WHY I was on that road, but didn't want to come right out and ask. At that point I explained that since he doesn't want to be with me anymore, I no longer feel obligated to answer questions as to my whereabouts. I could tell he didn't like that one bit! I then told him that I was not hiding anything though and that if he wanted to know, all he had to do was ASK me. I knew he wouldn't dare ask. He just made the statement about the road I was on....never asked me why I was there or where I had been. So, I never told him. I'm sure it ate him up! Oh well!!!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Hi ladies. What you're describing is pretty common. The WAS, in their wonderful selfish glory, are seemingly incapable of seeing the LBS as separate from themselves. They literally feel like they own us. We're an arm or a leg that is part of them.
They are capable of putting us in a box when needed, out of sight - out of mind...but still theirs. This is exactly why NC and LRT seem to be effective. Once they start feeling the loss of us, it gets their attention. Most don't want to lose us forever, they just want us to stay in our box - put away and safe until they're ready to be with us again. They are seemingly incapable of seeing us a separate and with a mind of our own.
When we start pulling away, doing our own thing? It threatens their ownership. It is an action that gets noticed. If you've been depressed, sad, happy with any bit of attention you get - well, his ownership is safe.
Suddenly start looking really good, going places, becoming cheerful, and having something of an air of mystery (you'll never know)...it makes them really curious, at first. Then it slowly starts driving them crazy - you can't do that!
The point is, yes. You can do that. You will do that. If they're not careful, they will lose you forever. This is why you should stop worrying about if you'll make them mad. So? You're taking your ownership back. None of the WAS really believe they could lose us. It really shakes them up when they begin to believe it's a real possibility.
Rain is doing the exact right thing, pulling away. Now, she's doing it for self-protection and isn't necessarily cheerful about it, but he feels her pulling away, and it's scaring him. I wish I could get this through every LBS's head. The minute you live your own life, not paying any attention AT ALL to the WAS - it gets noticed. Change causes a reaction.
Tears don't. Begging doesn't. Reasoning doesn't make a dent. Pulling away? Doing your own thing? Hah! They get really upset. What if you don't come back? What if you find someone else? They notice. It gets them thinking like no words from you will ever accomplish.
I'll put Sliding Doors on my list. Sounds like us, NC, GAL, etc.
I'm worried I'll start driving by the house to see if OW's car is there. I hate the thought of her taking over my old life. I doubt W would let her move in soon, but stranger things have happened.
I'm just starting on my next journey: living 'on my own'. I can't focus on anything except this moment. Heart aches.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
And you're right as usual. I am pulling away out of self preservation. He just feels I'm pulling away. And I refuse to live in that box. That was right on the money.
Morning text from him: good morning my beautiful...i hope my family has a great day today.
No reply from me. So of course he calls to ask me why I didn't answer last nights call and this mornings text. Just said "sorry I was busy. How are you?" He didn't like that. But what else is there to say?
More of the same: so now were your family? After denying that very thing to ow?
Pursuing: if you really felt that why aren't you back?
Anger: screw you! Because once again you aren't here on a weekend.
So I say nothing, i ignore some calls and some texts. Im just tired of the cycle of craziness.
I am looking forward to my walk later. And taking the kids to the park. Also I woke the kids up with music and dancing. They had a blast and were cheering when mommy was showing her super awesome dance moves! LOL
My diet has been going well too which I'm proud of. Also I have been playing around with a business idea for a few years and once I start bringing in some money on my own I think I may go for it!
I hope everyone is having a spectacular day out there in DB land.
