Back to square one, not sure I can do this again!

[- MB -]

Rain,
It's always good to hear from you. I so agree with your opinion of the OW, she really is a piece of work! Yesterday and today have been really hard for me. They have been hard because today is HER birthday and I know they are together. It just eats me up. I know I'm supposed to work on detaching and I do try, but considering that I have been unsuccessful so far, this is excruciating. I just keep wondering what he got her (aside from the sex that I no longer get to have). Did I ever tell you what he gave me for my birthday which was a week before BD? A freaking hair dryer! Who gives their spouse a blow dryer for their birthday? I'm sure SHE had something to do with that. Anyway, I really am trying not to focus on it I'm just not very good at stopping myself these days.

I have been trying to GAL, just haven't been real sure where to find one. Tonight I went to the VFW with a friend (and her date). She was the only one there that I actually knew, but we hung out with a group of people that she knew. Okay, it was the VFW so most everyone there was older than me, and it was karaoke night. I sat there most of the night...just sitting there drinking my Diet Coke (I don't drink alcohol) and trying not to inhale too deeply because it was SO SMOKEY in there. Eventually, she dragged me to the dance floor and made me do a line dance with her. Neither of my H liked to dance so I haven't actually danced in public for over 25 years! Some guy named Terry must have gotten tired of me bumping into him because he reached out and took my hand, pulled me close and started counting the steps out for me and telling me what to do. He was so sweet and I'd say at least 10 years older than me. About 30 minutes later he came to my table and asked me to dance again. I tried to tell him I can't dance, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He was probably sorry when he realized I was serious! Again, he talked me through the dance so I would know what to do (It was a waltz). LOL. After that, I heard him sing a couple of songs and he was really good. I stood up to leave and he came over one last time and asked me to dance. I didn't resist this time, I just went with him. It was a slow dance and he pulled me so close we were right up against each other and he kept leaning down to talk to me and sing in my ear. At the end he told me thank you for dancing with him and gave me a big hug. I thanked him too. Told him he had no idea how much better he made me feel. It was just nice to have someone put their arms around me and WANT to talk to me. I can definitely see how we could all be considered vulnerable in any new relationship because it just feels so good to have someone want to spend time with you. And, no, he wasn't interested in me like that and neither was I, I'm just saying that I could see that it wouldn't take much for someone to suck me into a relationship at this point because of how lonely I feel every day. I am not looking for, nor am I open to a new relationship, that was just an observation I made tonight.

Anyway, that was my GAL activity for the night. Just thought I'd share.