Putting on a spew jacket is funny and makes sense. I guess the pockets would be filled with plenty of validation techniques.
I take no offense and I am not as sensitive to criticism or suggestions as maybe I appear. So please share all. I love honesty.
I think my anger comes because yes it's a coping mechanism to being vulnerable. It gets me through this. I guess I feel that Him being wrong and a "bad person" will make the loss less of a loss.
But I was often angry at my husband before BD. I blamed him for a lot of things, some of it unfair some of it justified. But I think it's also because I don't like dealing with things I feel are irrational. And I am aware that perhaps husband thinks I am the one that is irrational and it's all a matter of perspective, but to me it's not. In my mind, He is irrational and unfair in his actions and words.
If I am in opposition with someone regarding a topic and they can discuss with me or prove to me reasons they are correct. I can honestly say that I will reflect on it and really try to see their point. Take the time and Show me the figures! I have never had the need to save face and push for something that is not true or correct. I have many flaws, but I feel that this is one of my positive attributes. I truly am not afraid to let someone "win" if they are right about something.
When dealing with my husband I feel like he will not show me the figures. He won't take the time to communicate with me. Or when I show him the figures he will deflect and refuse to address..move onto a different argument. I end up feeling frusturated and angry.
I don't know if it's from being in an abusive relationship in past. But I find similarities in this way of arguing and I will give you an example...
With ex boyfriend he would accuse me of outrageous things like having a crush on my brother. Seriously. How can you argue against something like that? And I would try (I was very young) and was so frusturated that he would argue this. It was a way to control me.
Now my husband has never made an outrageous accusation like that to me. But I often feel that I have something that really is white and I am trying to convince him it is white and he keeps saying it is black.
This is a major source of conflict and makes me feel manipulated, and invalidated and yes the dreaded "abused " word.
Please I would love to hear opinions.
When we were having marital issues I had asked him if we could move out of parents and into an apartment. He kept telling me not unless I worked full time, we could not afford it. Kids were only in preschool (2 hrs/ day) and one of them was getting special services. family was not willing to take on extra babysitting responsibilities. Any extra income would not have Covered the cost of daycare. I explained this to him and he told me "other people do it. Figure it out".
Now he tells me that with his child support, if I go back to work full time I can afford an apartment. My take home would be 2,000 Less then our combined income when we were living in parents house. So why is it that he insisted we could not afford to move out of my parents house to work on our marriage but is now telling me I could ? It's in black and white. No argument.
To me the figures say everything. His argument makes no sense. And it enrages me. It leads me to belive that He was manipulating me for legal purposes because what else would explain his rational?
Because I cannot make sense of his arguments I worry that he discussing reconciliation to perhaps get me in a position that would make me legally weak. I don't believe him to have a character like this, but I cannot make sense of his argument above and he cannot/ will not either explain it or admit he was wrong so what am I to believe? It makes me not trust his movies and that makes me ANGRY.
This is just an example. There are other scenarios that are similar...maybe he just can't admit to being wrong?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
