Last night

[kyrie]

And that's different than the "just forgive" and detach advise most of you have advised. 25yearsMLC - he threatened divorce a couple of times but it was his usual empty threat in order to provoke/manipulate an acceptable response.
As a couple, he says he wants to hash through our 12 years and talk about all the bad stuff (and of course from him, its all bad). No other goal or purpose. I've already "owned" my own sins, failures and hurting of him (disrespect, criticisms, etc), apologized and continue to work on those things. That's important, with or without him, I know.
But that's not enough. Every night he sits and waits for me to say something - he has no way to describe "what he's looking for" from me but its sincerity and real affection. Its a manipulation game, like he tries with most everyone. When it doesn't work, he spews. He feels like he's winning the battle if he belittles others.
Work sitch: that's complex. I'm the sole provider really (not by my own choice...) 8 years ago we went to IL to start a mission congregation (from the ground up, so to speak). It failed. It was hard and I had to work to support the family. He stayed home to get the girls ready for school. After that, home alone all day. For 7 years, other than the occasional band thing (that was his other life - playing in Blues/Rock bands & how he hooked up with OW). Then he had an opportunity to come to the mother church in TX - he always wanted to live in TX. So I came down a year ago for a job, he stayed in IL to sell the house & care for the girls. Now we're here & full on MLC. Job [censored] (it kinda does), no bands, no opportunities. I totally sympathize and listen (just listen!!) when he complains about it. Hardly any pay either. So he's pretty stressed out from all that. I really get that part.
He's a pastor, and teaches at the new Seminary here which he helped to get off the ground. That's the only area where I feel like I can really overtly support and cheer for him. When he's in the mood to accept that...