Well, still thinking about the things he said. LIke I said, much sounded different than what you're advising. He did stress GAL. He said 2 things H believes fully: that he knows me completely and that I'm never going to change. Sounds true. He didn't say anything else on that though. THought of a bunch of questions to ask after we were done. DUH. He said I should speak up more about what I want/need - this sounded TOTALLY different than the DB stuff. He even implied I SHOULD confront H about the porn and I should continue to try to talk w/him. So I'm really confused.
Again, it was mostly getting him up to speed (sigh - took waay too long and asked waaay too few questions). Tonight H is out with a neighbor friend (thankfully, a decent, godly man) - just shooting pool I think. Well, from *how it sounded* - he did say I should not avoid the spew (which is mostly what I had been thinking about). No advise on how to manage the spew... It was the confronting directly about the porn that surprised me. As well as about my own needs and wants! From everything I've read and seen here, your needs are NOT to be discussed, no matter how dire, if the WAS/WS is not clearly ready to reconcile. And the confrontation (for lack of a better word) part... he didn't give me any real advise on how other than to limit it. Same w/the spews. Put a limit on it (which frankly sounds exactly like me trying to control it). He did say my job is not to make him happy but to submit. But H's interpretation on that is one and the same. So no clarity there... Maybe I didn't explain myself well enough. Frankly I thought he might get more familiar with my stuff here to prep, but that's my own expectation. He did say no matter what, H is destined to face this stuff one way or another. That makes sense.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
