Lonely Hearts Club IV

[shotgun]

Hey Ancaire the meal that I mentioned in my post was one that Rouky is going to make for me. I do cook however. Like a lot of men I am pretty solid with the grill. I have cracked the code on grilling salmon and I am pretty good at tuna and swordfish. The key is to not over cook it. We would have to work something out in order for me to give up my salmon secret. As far as fooling you with my PMA that is an old Jedi mind trick. My therapist even fell for it for a day but then she called me the next evening and started picking my brain over the phone. I know that I have a lot more work to do. As for my old life I did love it and loved the needy nature of my wife. I guess it's just an insatiable need to dote over a woman.

MB,MB,MB. Young lady don't you ever drive by his house again. Do you know how lucky you are that you have to go looking for him in order to see him. Rouky and I are doing everything possible to not have to look at our S. Poor Rouky has to let her husband into her home. Ugh! You need work girl. Make this time about you. It is amazing that you have lost forty pounds. I am with you also on the controlling spouse part. My wife wanted me in her sights at all times. If she couldn't see me then she was calling or texting me. Don't know what happened to that but it's over and I am trying to accept it. Good plan with IC. Work on you and your GAL!

Focus22 I think we all share many of the same traits when it comes to relationships. We are all about the other person and the other person is all about themselves. This is the right time to question everything in your life. Try some new things and meet some new people. Maybe go somewhere you always wanted to go. We can do this and we will do it. We have no choice. Praying for you all and hope today brings a moment of peace!

[Rouky]

All the food is ready for you Shotgun and I cook everything from scratch. I don't believe in ready meal, and cooking would I have been my job if I didn't decide to work with kids! I'd love to have a man who would dote on me, never had this from H. It was always me who doted on him.

I'm so proud of you my love, your advice for everyone are spot on and they show how generous, kind and loving you are. Your W is definitively a fool! I'd be glad to give a call and to tell her that she's throwing away the best thing that happened in her life!

MB please stop driving around H's place. I have done it for a long time and only stopped it last month. Why because I'd expect to see his car, but when it wasn't there I'd be so angry with myself for hoping he'd have finally woken up and stop A with OW! But his car was never there ( he was with OW!) and it really hurt me. You don't want to feel more hurt thang you are.

[Rouky]

How is your cold? Still in need of a super duper nurse? :-)

[shotgun]

Thanks for backing me up with MB Rouky. We have some work to do with her. And I cannot wait to have that home cooked meal. I can promise you that you will never have to clean a dirty dish either. I did all of the dishes for fifteen years of marriage and also all of the laundry with the exception of W's clothes. I shrunk a couple of her sweaters and was never again allowed to do her laundry. Rouky would you let me massage your aching back and feet at the end of a long day? My wife never once let me do that. She comes from a family that never touches one another. To be honest I did as well but as a child I had people in my life who would love on me and stroke my hair and tell me how much they loved me. (I was a cute kid)! They were the ladies at church. You would have to get in line with the people who are telling her that she is a fool. Everyone in her life except her drinking buddy has told her that. They in turn have told me as much. I suspect the story is true with your husband and probably the spouse of everyone who reads this. It is part of living in the fog where up is down and left is right for them. As I have said before there has to be something physiological about it because the story is always the same.

Enough about me. Rouky what would you do on a perfect date? I would like to take a long walk or a drive with you and listen to some music and talk about our hopes and dreams. I have a couple of very American hobbies that I think you would love. They are activities that build an incredible amount of self esteem and confidence. I do a little bit of coaching in one particular activity and there is nothing better than to see a child or lady feel empowered by the success that I help them achieve. I could never get my wife to try it though.

Truthfully Rouky I pray that your jacka$$ husband wakes up before it is too late but if he doesn't then know that I am here and there are many others who will treat you like the treasure that you are. I cannot properly explain to you what a blessing you have been to me and I pray that I get to properly thank you some day! I hope that you sleep well and tomorrow brings you all of the happiness that you deserve.

[- MB -]

MB,MB,MB. Young lady don't you ever drive by his house again. Do you know how lucky you are that you have to go looking for him in order to see him.

I am with you also on the controlling spouse part. My wife wanted me in her sights at all times. If she couldn't see me then she was calling or texting me. Don't know what happened to that but it's over and I am trying to accept it.

Good plan with IC. Work on you and your GAL!

I wish I could feel "lucky" that I don't see him, but I WANT to see him. I don't have to see him at his house, and I don't TRY to run into him, but it would seem that I would see him at a red light or something. I mean, I live in a small town, but never even pass him on the road. Today is day 10 of no contact. I am trying to be strong.

The controlling thing is so weird. He would always drive by my apartment to see if I was here and call if I wasn't. He even called me at 4AM one time just to ask me (loudly) why I was awake! Said I didn't have any reason to be awake that time of the morning. Guess he thought I had been out all night long or something. And, less than a week before BD, I left his house to go to my apartment. He asked, and I told him I was going home. As I passed the store, I realized I was out of Diet Coke, so I ran in and got one. Then, drove straight home. Probably took me two extra minutes to stop. Anyway, when I turned onto the road I live on, I saw him drive past my apartment. I Pulled in and parked, then called him. He was furious that I didn't go straight home like I said I was going to. He said that he drove by to check on me because "you were acting weird when you left, so I knew something was going on." Then he told me I was LUCKY that I passed him. Really? Or what? I do NOT miss that jealous and controlling part of him.

[shotgun]

MB if you could do the DB program this guy would probably be eating out of your hand. To be a good friend here and kind of blunt, this guy doesn't deserve to be eating out of your trash barrel. I am sure that you would see it if someone else had written your post but I get it. It takes time to see reality from our shoes. My wife was controlling as well so that point when she no longer was shocked me.

Try to go a few days without looking for him. It will help I promise. Do like Rouky and get yourself prettied up and become the fascinating person in your world. There is nothing more attractive than a confident, beautiful woman. I was where you are for a long time but with the help of my friends here I got through it. Hang in there and get real busy. Praying for you always!

[Ancaire]

Shotgun - you are so sweet to Rouky. Are you sure you're real? Do dishes? Massage? Talk? Wow. I never had that, and I thought I was happily married for a long time! You sweet man...

Rouky, I'm officially jealous. You have shotgun. That's just not fair!

[shotgun]

Ancaire I love her! I have posted before though that some women will devour a man like me. My counselor has worked with me to stand up for myself and hopefully going forward I will do better. In LHC III I wrote of the need to occasionally be the cowboy. I think for most women it is a requirement. They just can't take nice all of the time. I grew up in a house with extreme confrontation and violence and until I was in my early twenties I was as well. Getting away from my father for a couple of years awakened me to a person who abhors violence and dreads confrontation. I guess it is all about finding the balance of being fun but also challenging to a woman. With my wife I was a challenge intellectually but I think she needed me to once in a while be threatening to her. I am just not that person and perhaps because of that I will never be successful in a long term relationship. I'll not give up however as there is no better feeling than being in love!

[Rouky]

I know I am Ancaire, never had that from my H so it'd be refreshing and lovely to have someone like Shotgun. The thing Ancaire is that you have more chance with Shotgun as you are on the same continent :-).

Shotgun you are a very good man because you took a good and hard look at yourself and you keep improving. Very unlikely from my H. Wonder why I still love him? How is your weekend going?

[shotgun]

Hi Rouky! I can't stop smiling. I posted something funny on your thread but I'm not sure I translated it properly. I have that warm fuzzy feeling when I hear from you so it must be love. Funny the direction life takes us.

So here is the deal. It is my weekend with S13 but W texts me requesting to take him to a "thing". As if I don't know that it is an event where she meets OM. I used to go to this event with her and stupidly I let her dance with this guy and the rest is history. I am over that but why can't she just say I want to take S13 to the square dance? And why does she need to take S13 with her? I take some comfort that she is ashamed to tell me what she is doing but for God's sake man up about it. It is always the case with her that she needs some sort of buffer between her and everyone else when it comes to a social situation so I feel like she is using S13 for that role. Also now I am scrambling to find a GAL activity so that I am not sitting at home thinking about her. Rouky how quick can you get to Indiana?

Enough whining. Went to yoga this morning. I will go to lift weights this afternoon but then what? My sister that I usually count on is on vacation. I am texting everyone I know to try to find something to do tonight. Wish me luck!