Well, lets see. I grew up in a household where my dad was THE definite ruler, you either did what he told you, or you got the crap beat out of you. He is in the oilfield and when I was young, he traveled alot, but when he came home he reminded you who was boss. My mom took alot of her frustrations with my dad out on us boys ( I have two older brothers) and as with my dad, it didn't matter where the belt landed or how hard it hit when you were punished, head, back, legs...all over really. They also fought ALOT, verbally and some physical...throwing things also. My brothers and I witnessed this first hand.
Flash forward...My 1st marriage, we were young, I was 21 and she was 18. Her mother died during our 1st year when I was away at tech school while in the Air Force. While I was there I, she was back home in Corpus Christi, Tx which is where I'm originally from. I always heard reports form friends that she was seen with so and so and so forth, but I never believed it. Anyway, after her mother died and I gradfuated tech school, I got based in New Mexico, well, she turned into an emotional block of stone,when ever I would try and console her when she was down about her mother, she would push me away, especially at night when in bed, you get the idea. I think I carried some of these feelings of rejection over into this marriage because there were times when I wanted to just touch my current wife and I just couldn't, I'd lock up. I never ever got physical with my 1st wife, and God help me I don't know why I started with my current. My therapist says it's because I was so afraid she was going to leave me that I held on to tight and tried to control her, so I basically made happen just what I was trying to avoid.
There are other things that have happened to me in my life that I believe have contributed to this state I'm in now, but they are to numerous and way to painful to discuss on this BBS.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
