Everything you say makes so much sense. I keep moving my boundary for when I've had enough. I'm absolutely terrified the job, I could get with his help, won't work out. I have no clue what I will do then. I will also do everything to make sure we can coexist peacefully for our daughter's sake. I can't imagine not being able to be in the same room as him. I know of people who do drops ofs and pick ups through a third party because they can't stand the sight of one another. I just can't do that to her.
I really don't think my H has a lawyer. He wouldn't spend the money unless he had to. And he probably knows that I would be very reluctant too. (Already consulted with one)
Just caught him in another lie. He is with OW. Spending the night with her before going away for more than a month. Guess it doesn't matter.
Thank you for weighing in, it is very much appreciated.
Mona and Rouky, I just met my friend for lunch. I only know her because we're both going through a divorce. She is further in the process and gives good advice. Thank you for your thoughts. I'm thinking of you two too.
You are worried about pick-ups/drop offs with a man who shows little concern for his D. He is forcing you out of suitable housing, he leaves for long periods of time, and he is pushing you out of the country (with what I think is a weak guarantee of coming to Europe once a month).
Your D is not his priority. You are not his priority. Your D has to be YOUR priority.
Is the place in Europe you are being forced to go, home? If not, would it be better to simply go home (if you leave the States) if you would have support there? If his job doesn't come through, will you be allowed to work in the country he is essentially sending you too?
I am unclear how you can hold him accountable for child/spousal support from Europe? What can you do from there if he stops paying?
I am not trying to make you nervous, but you need to protect yourself and your D even if you have to get a lawyer and go all in on getting what you need.
Hi Gmum, it must be difficult and disappointing to be faced with hiring a lawyer because your spouse insists on a divorce. I am getting upset just thinking about it. Be well
Everything you say makes so much sense. I keep moving my boundary for when I've had enough. I'm absolutely terrified the job, I could get with his help, won't work out. I have no clue what I will do then. I will also do everything to make sure we can coexist peacefully for our daughter's sake. I can't imagine not being able to be in the same room as him. I know of people who do drops ofs and pick ups through a third party because they can't stand the sight of one another. I just can't do that to her.
I really don't think my H has a lawyer. He wouldn't spend the money unless he had to. And he probably knows that I would be very reluctant too. (Already consulted with one)
Just caught him in another lie. He is with OW. Spending the night with her before going away for more than a month. Guess it doesn't matter.
Thank you for weighing in, it is very much appreciated.
Mona and Rouky, I just met my friend for lunch. I only know her because we're both going through a divorce. She is further in the process and gives good advice. Thank you for your thoughts. I'm thinking of you two too.
You are worried about pick-ups/drop offs with a man who shows little concern for his D. He is forcing you out of suitable housing, he leaves for long periods of time, and he is pushing you out of the country (with what I think is a weak guarantee of coming to Europe once a month).
Your D is not his priority. You are not his priority. Your D has to be YOUR priority.
Is the place in Europe you are being forced to go, home? If not, would it be better to simply go home (if you leave the States) if you would have support there? If his job doesn't come through, will you be allowed to work in the country he is essentially sending you too?
I am unclear how you can hold him accountable for child/spousal support from Europe? What can you do from there if he stops paying?
I am not trying to make you nervous, but you need to protect yourself and your D even if you have to get a lawyer and go all in on getting what you need.
I'll be going to my home country. I have family there. I know it sounds bad, but he isn't quite THAT big of a monster. Incredibly selfish, yes. I have no doubt he loves our kid. And he wants me to be ok too. He would never stop paying child support. But I will make sure that he can't - going through the state or whatever you said.
That is why sometimes it is better to just blindly follow advice on here. People tell me all kinds of things I dont agree with, but if I feel really stuck, I just follow and so far it has only helped me.
There are times I dont follow, because I dont agree, but they are not times when I am stuck. If I am stuck, I obey
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
He has no clue how he is coming across. If was deliberately nasty it would be so much easier to pull the plug. I just can't believe that's what I may have to do. I KNOW he adores his daughter. He really truly feel that he is looking out for her. He also doesn't hate me. He stills feels some responsibility. I'm not worried he will stop paying rent on the new place. He's moving in after D and I leave.
Had a friend over last night, he is more analytical and less emotional in his way of thinking, so it's always very helpful to get his perspective on things. Also helps me to realize what a douche my ex is being.
Been packing up a few things today. Throwing out a lot. It's sad yet refreshing in a way. In a weird place today. Keep trying to remind myself of the Swingers quote from Pinn's thread. I posted it earlier in NYGal's thread. It really resonates with me.
Here it is, stolen without permission from Pinn o:
I always like this scene from one of my favorite movies called Swingers.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her? Rob: You don't call. Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her. Rob: Right. Mike: So I don't call either way? Rob: Right. Mike: So what's the difference? Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her? Rob: Right. Mike: Well that [censored]. Rob: Yeah, it [censored]. Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her? Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite. Mike: What do you mean? Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Mike: There's the rub. Rob: There's the rub.
I just mean taking it to THAT level. For us, getting lawyers involved means getting ugly. It's symbolic. And not a place either of us ever thought we would find ourselves in.
Not really worried about OW influencing him yet. They're in different states and see each other infrequently. They probably just talk shop and have sex.
Gmum...never EVER under estimate the power of the Ow when it comes to finances. You seem so reluctant to get a lawyer, I do hope you change your mind. If not for your sake then for your Ds.
My aunt told me to fight for every penny due because it isn't my money, it belongs to our kids. So what makes me think it's okay to throw away their financial wellbeing and security simply because I love their father? No. Especially not with someone who spends like a teenager whenever it suits him. So that's how I'm looking at it now
Everyone has given you great advice. Im sorry you broke down after mediation.
((gmum))
You'll find the strength you need.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
