Should I flat out tell him I need space? I don't know what's happening or if I am giving off some vibe but he text me saying he would like to trade cars so that he can take mine in to get checked. And that "we" need to start looking for another car for me. (<<<thats more like the old him) And that he spoke to his brother about us going to see the family.
I suppose him speaking/thinking of the future and the fact that he is using...us and we...is a positive. But I need him to slow down. I don't know where I am from one minute to the next. So I can not say I will be going on a family trip with him months from now. I responded about the car sitch since it has been giving me issues, but ignored the trip.
Thoughts?
Last edited by Cadet; 01/15/1601:15 PM. Reason: Link
If you need space, I think you should tell him. So many people keep saying that it's when they really let go and do what they need for themselves that the spouse comes back. Or if not that, then they at least start to heal from all the hurt.
It sounds like this is a crucial turning point for you, Rain. I'm thinking of you.
Rain - Yes, you should flat-out tell him you need space. It is positive that he's speaking in future terms, but in DB world, it's all about what the WAS does that is the true indicator of their intentions.
I think you could use some time to figure out what it is you want. He really hurt you, and you need to figure it all out. If you needing space makes him run away again, thank your lucky stars it happened sooner rather than later. How incredibly selfish would he have to be to not want what is best for you?
Wait. This is a WAS...LOL OK, they're not known for being selfless, but until you know what YOU want, for certain, you don't need to be working on anything. It wouldn't hurt him to have to spend some time wondering, anyways.
That is my opinion. It is not a golden rule - just my quick thoughts on your (to me) very reasonable request.
I'm still new hear so I don't want to suggest anything. But for me, finding my voice and setting my boundaries has been important. It's one of the hardest aspects of all of this for me. Take care!
Thanks Dad, Ancaire and NYGal. I appreciate you guys chiming in. I feel so lost the last few days. I didn't think I'd ever be at a place where I was the one that was confused.
And thanks Cadet for adding the link.
Ancaire....for him this is how he seems to show "love". Worrying about me and what I need and trying to fix things for me.
Recently he has been in his own world and didn't blink when I told him anything. So I guess that's what's strange. During PA he was also in his own little world and let bills slide and car maintenance go out the window on top of the fact that he checked out.
Then he was on top of things again when it became EA yet was emotionally distant. Couldn't even bring himself to call me a pet name.
Now thats all he calls me. Barely ever says my name via text or on the phone/in person. And now he is suddenly concerned about what I need. Well to the extent that he is. Not whole hog or the transparency wouldnt be an issue.
He called earlier to tell me to be careful because of bad weather headed our way. And that's another WTH moment because there was a tornado warning last week and it was really bad and yet he didn't even check on us. But now things are different?
Frustrated and wishing I could afford to pack the kids up and see my family for a few weeks and leave him to his mess and single life.
Weekends are hard, aren't they. Rain, why do you say you're in your own place for good?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I just woke up and I can't go back to sleep. This hasn't happened to me in a very long time.
My stomach is in knots. I want normalcy back. I hate always wondering if he is lying. Worrying that if I don't try I am doing what he has done and robbing my kids of potentially having their family in tact. Then worrying that if I do try I am robbing myself of my sanity.
It was his idea to swap cars to get mine checked out. Then suddenly last night his car was going to be in the shop until after the weekend.
It hit me that he just doesn't come around on weekends. It's taking everything in me not to drive there. I have a feeling I would see his car right in front. The reason I haven't gone is that there's a possibility of someone else being there and I just can't promise I wouldn't get into it.
Hi NYGal.....glad to hear from you. I hope you got the bed cleared:)
I wrote my signature right after last BD and that is how I felt in the moment. That he had dragged this A on for too f***ing long and that I was completely done. Some days I still feel like that. Like today.
And on the days that I don't...I just haven't changed it in my sig.
And yes weekends suk. But then again so do weekdays right now. LOL
Has anyone else ever watched the movie, Sliding Doors? I watched it eons ago when I was happy and safe. Ha!
I want to re watch it. I like the concept of the movie but thinking on it. She went NC....GALed and cried alternately (sounds familiar lol) and did all we are meant to be doing.
