Well, moving out is our D. And there's no change of heart, so I guess we're done. For now. This is agony.
I know i'm having a big pity party for myself right now. you should see what I wrote then erased. Scary stuff.
I am not doing well at all. Sorry.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Well, moving out is our D. And there's no change of heart, so I guess we're done. For now. This is agony.
I know i'm having a big pity party for myself right now. you should see what I wrote then erased. Scary stuff.
I am not doing well at all. Sorry.
Your case has some unique aspects. I think your W is a people pleaser. She spends an hour alone with you and she regrets what she's done and is unsure. She spends time alone with OW and you get emails that are cold and basically telling you to get out of her life.
Who knows what she really wants. If you want her then I want you to get her but if this wasn't you in this sh!tstorm, let's say it was a good friend confiding all this in you (and she's in the position you are), or even another poster here telling your same story except that you get to read it as an objective party, what would you tell them? Would you tell them that they're W is too waffling, too flaky, and you're better off in the long run to move on? It's weird the advice that we would give others sometimes that we will refuse to give ourselves.
When I look at my situation from an objective 3rd party perspective I say "jeez, that husband is a sap. She played him for a chump and when she was going to lose him she turned on the waterworks and played him for a sap again because he took her back. That idiot should move on and find something better." That's the God's honest truth what I would think of my situation yet here I am, the sap, staying and working on it. Life can be a real mindf*ck sometimes.
I don't think I'd tell someone to move on. I believe in the commitments I make. I believe they mean something. I think you are one lucky guy, and a smart one, too.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Text. Me: Why did you have to do this? W: I don't know.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Text. Me: Why did you have to do this? W: I don't know.
Ugh. Thats the problem with pursuing. You arent going to get an answer that you can do anything with.
What answer could she give that would have satisfied you?
The best thing you can do is NOTHING.
Anything else that you do is going to hurt you even worse. Please please please. Give yourself a break today. Eat junk food, watch crappy movies, drink a large glass of wine at lunch. Whatever you need. Just give yourself the space today. And leave W alone.
Text. Me: Why did you have to do this? W: I don't know.
Hold out the back of your wrist. Smack smack smack! Now go stand in the corner for a 10 minute timeout.
Your W is in an affair and steeped in affair fog. While in that fog she's a crazy person. You can't ask rational questions and expect rational answers from a crazy person. "I don't know" is as good as it's going to get.
PLUS...you're supposed to be detaching, GAL'ing, and moving on. This text is a clear violation of that. I know you just want her to snap out of it and give you real answers. Hell, I know you want her to run into your arms right now, apologize profusely, profess her undying love for you, and beg your forgiveness. I get it. I've been there. I sent texts just like this AND GOT NOWHERE WITH THEM. My situation didn't turn until I truly moved on. Even though she says that's what she wants you to do she may act differently when you really do it. If she doesn't, and it's over, then at least you have your honest truth and you can move on.
No more pursuing. Don't make me smack your wrist again.
I know today is killing you. I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wish we could all just meet and supprt eachother through these things. We would have helped you pack and taken you out tonight.
I know how hard it is. I wish there was something more I could say to make you feel better and detach but we're in the same boat.
You have good people on your side here though. The advice they give you is great.
Breathe sweetie. And back away from the phone.
Rain
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
I know today is killing you. I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wish we could all just meet and supprt eachother through these things. We would have helped you pack and taken you out tonight.
Rain
And taken away your phone.
You poor thing... It's so hard, :(*
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
When I look at my situation from an objective 3rd party perspective I say "jeez, that husband is a sap. She played him for a chump and when she was going to lose him she turned on the waterworks and played him for a sap again because he took her back. That idiot should move on and find something better." That's the God's honest truth what I would think of my situation yet here I am, the sap, staying and working on it. Life can be a real mindf*ck sometimes.
TXHubby
I struggle with this as well. I often hold back when writing on these boards because what I really want to say is, " let them go. You are too good for them. There are others out there that will treat you with respect" Frequently, I tell myself this as well and that is where I believe my anger comes from. And that is when it gets hard to stay committed to the idea of reconciliation. Do you think that reconciliation Can only work when WAS is at that point where they are truly remorseful and basically begging for forgiveness?
I frequently find myself in agreement with many of your posts.
NYGAL
I truly believe that the majority of WAS will not come back until they see that you have moved on And they can sense it.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
