Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[SciDad]

SciDad - If you have already agreed on transparency, please do it. It's not healthy for you to be wondering. You need to get this out in the open, for both of you. If you're wondering, you'll be drawing back - you just can't help it after being burned.

That's exactly the problem I'm having. I'm withdrawing again and I don't like it. Not only was it one of the initial problems in our marriage, but because I don't like how it makes me feel. Guarded, on edge, closed off from the world.

Getting involved with church is an excellent idea. The happiest period in our M life was when we were both involved. We had different things to do, mutual and separate friend, and a common goal.

We've never been involved in the church, but have talked about wanting to do it. My wife is Methodist and I'm Catholic, so we had talked about looking into a non-denominational Christian service. For me it's not only personal, but something I'd like to instill in my children. Nothing crazy, but it bothers me that my kids believe in Roman and Greek Gods, but aren't so sure about that Jesus guy.... As an aside, the first time I thought my wife had bought into working on things I told her I would start looking for a church after the holidays. We could do it as a family or not, but it was something I needed to do.

I'm beginning to understand that hindsight, while crystal clear, is pretty much a waste of brain power I should be devoting to something else once I've learned the lesson there.

The only reason that hindsight is clearer is because you have the benefit of knowing more of the story, and maybe even the intent behind some actions. Which is simply not possible in realtime unless your spouse is being totally open and honest. And its a pretty safe bet that no one here is in that situation.... Add to that the simple fact that you need to be able to perceive the actions in the first place and I realize how easy it is to miss certain signs.

Don't beat yourself up over the past. Build yourself up for the future