Got home from work yesterday, and W and K's were home. I came in the door and my 4 year old D ran to greet me and my 8 mos old D was crawling towards me. I said "Hi" to my W and asked her how her day went. She then started feeding my youngest D and I asked her what she wanted me to get out for dinner.
I had prayed to God on the drive home, that he let my W be civil to me and to help me not talk about our R and in doing that, resort to begging for her to reconsider a big D. So, to fast forward a bit, we are eating supper and my oldest D, who has a habit of playing at the table and not sitting and eating, almost trips over the leg of her chair and falls backwards. I saw this and instinctively grabbed for her to catch her, and in the process I knocked over her glass of milk. Now, this was a big moment for me because in the not to distant past, I would have cursed and gotten mad, but what I did shocked even me, I just lowered my head and mumured "mmm" and said look what big daddy did ( thats what she calls me) and got a few towels and started cleaning it up. My W also started helping me and my little girl asked me if I was mad at her and I said " no honey, it was an accident and there's no use crying over spilt milk". I know my W was a little taken aback, even if she tried not to show it. Later, as I'm cleaning the kitchen and she's getting my D's clothes ready for school the next day, I dropped the taco meat she had put into a tupperware container and instead of cursing, I actually said "well...golly!" and if you knew me, you'd know that this was big because in the past, I would have blown up.
Anyway, I caught my W looking at me when she didn't think I was looking (which is odd, because I can't STOP looking at her) and I honestly hope and pray she is noticing these little changes.
I'll give yall a little info on me, I'm 6'4" and weigh 230 lbs. I'm an avid outdoorsman and I really enjoy hunting fishing,etc... so it may seem strange to some of you that one of my favorite movies happens to be " Moulin Rouge", my wife looks a little like Nicole Kidman but thats not why I like that movie. I like that movie because deep down I want to love somebody like he loves her, only I didn't/don't know how to express it because I always thought it wasn't manly and I was afraid. I love my wife so much that it hurts and I've always felt this way but have been afraid to show it.
Anyway, I was proud of my self for last night and the way I handled those sitches and for the fact that I did not beg her to take me back and I did not appear "needy", because I don't "need" her, I "want" her.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
