Thank you. That's thought provoking. I suppose my biggest problem right now is forgiving him. But that post does make me want to. I guess I am still mentally and emotionally in the camp of...forgiving him when he shows so little remorse is tantamount to saying "yes you can do this and keep doing it and always have a clean slate with me simply because I love you".
I know It's irrational. I know forgiving him is to heal myself. I'm just not "there".
I want space and he had a mini emergency a few days ago and couldn't call me. So I decided to unblock his calls but didn't tell him. He found out today when he called to leave a voicemail. Since he has called 3 times.
I know some of my fellow DBing pals would love to have their H/W/SO calling and texting. But I just need space. I need to feel what I feel, to work through my anger and pain. To decide what I really want. Because he was the one that was confused for over 2 years. Now I am confused and go from wanting our family to build something new and better to wanting to walk away and leave him behind.
Because honestly his refusal of transparency makes me question my partial desire to save my family. I can't be with him if it's the same. I just can't. And i realize that I am putting the cart before the horse thinking that way. I just can't help it.
Thank you for the post though. I made sure to save it.
