Your wife and NYGal are moving out on the same day. My H's OWs birthday is tomorrow as well. Apparently I wasn't wrong, I KNEW it was a bad day!
If you have to be there when your wife moves her stuff out, I can only think of 2 things you can do. You can either show her what a nice man you are by helping her load her stuff up- she will definitely think you are detached and moving on with your own life without her. If you choose to help her, you will have to do it while ACTING AS IF it doesn't bother you, like you're actually wishing her well with HER choice to move on....no tears, no crying, no begging, no clinging, no trying to change her mind, etc. OR, you can go in another room and watch a movie or something with the kids until she's done. It's going to be a very hard and sad day. Just remember that this doesn't necessarily mean the end of anything. It's not over till it's over. This is only allowing you some space and time to work on yourself while she does whatever she is going to do anyway. Nothing you say will stop her, so wish her well and then start working on yourself so you will be ready later for whatever may happen.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Thanks MB. Sounds like an over all rough couple of days for people. Glad this community is here for us to support each other. While it's going to be hard to act as if. I will help load things and wish her well. I don't expect any hugs or kisses or tears from her. Her mind has already moved on to other things. Possibly her heart too. When she is packed and ready to leave all I want to say to her is. I will miss you, I hope you find what your looking for. Goodbye "insert name here". And that is that.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I'm not even sure I would tell her that you miss her. I would just tell her that you wish her well and that you hope she finds what she's looking for. If you tell her that you're going to miss her, you will appear weak to her and she will picture you sitting at home pining away for her. Forget that!
In all honesty, when I saw H last time, I told him that I love him AND that I will miss him, then I went no contact again. I know I shouldn't have said that to him, but it happened. I did the best I could at the time. I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and try again when I mess up. Just do your best, that's all you can do. Try to be as strong as you can be until she is out of sight and completely gone, then you can let your feelings out, go in the house and scream, whatever you need to do. When I left his house, I didn't cry until I was in my car and the door was shut...then, I lost it. He will never know that though. Good luck. We will all be pulling for you.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I understand I need to focus on me and I am getting there. It's not a switch I can turn on. It will come. By living seperate I have a hard time believing things will work out right now. If I keep doing what I need to. She will see the person I become. That's fine. So what about if she does want to reconnect and doesn't say anything. How am I supposed to know with out asking and pursuing?
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
When she is packed and ready to leave all I want to say to her is. I will miss you, I hope you find what your looking for. Goodbye "insert name here". And that is that.
I wouldnt say anything more than just "Goodbye XXX". She doesnt even know what shes looking for. Just let her go.
Originally Posted By: Tyler12
So what about if she does want to reconnect and doesn't say anything. How am I supposed to know with out asking and pursuing?
Thanks Azzork. When I first started posting here I felt like you comments were harsh and cold. Having learned from this past week and a bit i don't see it like that now. They are real and they never fail to slap me out of my pity party. Thank you for posting on my thread
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Tyler, big day! You have got to try and find some excitement on the beginning of a new chapter. No more walking on egg shells.
I PROMISE they know more than you give them credit for. If you can make it through today, and really follow advice given here, they see it.
I understand when it feel hopeless. The only time your sitch is hopeless is when YOU give up, and that is okay. If you have not given up then you can be full of hope.
I have said it many times, but my H moved to a different state with OW and they had a baby, and I lost every thing but hope and this board and it took him a while, but he came home. Trust the process.
You are not ready to hear this, especially today, but you asked what you will do once W moves out. The answer is pretty awesome...WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO!
In the coming weeks you will prove to yourself that it is really true. Our WAS's cant make us happy or sad, only we have the power to do that. They can make us happier, but we have to find a way to make ourselves happy first.
4 months ago I had no clue I loved, loved loved dancing. Now, it would be unbearable for me not to go out and dance. Your real true loves are waiting for you to find them.
Take every day now and force fun. At first forcing will be a chore. The ghost of your W will haunt EVERYTHING. Force that fun anyway. Play music and shake your booty when you do the dishes. Watch a comedy when you feel like crying.
Find ANYTHING that is a positive and build up as many positives as you can. It really really helps, when the depression hits and you are so lonely and you miss your W so much it feels like actual pain and a mountain of it to have any positives you can force your brain to look at. Your child's smile is a powerful one. Set a goal to accomplish what you now think you cant. Your mind will strat working out ways to hit that goal without you knowing it. That brainpower will not be there to wallow over W.
Yes, she will attack your brain CONSTANTLY for a little bit yet, but if you start now, you will significantly lessen the time it takes to not think of her always, in everything you do.
Look for baby steps from you right now, and NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING from her. Let her twist and turn in the wind. She is no longer your responsibility.
You have been given the gift of time. Use it wisely.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Thanks Mona. Your support means a lot. I'm actually looking forward to it a bit. I understand it's going to be a transition. It's not going to be easy. What will make it easier is the tension in the house will be gone. The focus on making peace will shift to me and what I want to do with myself and children.
Its going to give me time to read DR through and start putting it into practice more. Now my question is, as I haven't read through te books yet and I have a feeling I know what I will be told to do, what do I do if or when she contacts me after she is gone. I see it going 2 ways. 1. She feels free and independent and there is no need to be in touch with me. That's fine I accept that as a reality. 2. She starts asking how I am. She expresses loneliness and that its weird being alone. I just envision the first night she is alone at her place she may try to get support and reinsurance from me telling her it will be on and all that. I don't want to cave and say you will be ok. But I don't want to be cold and say well choices have consequences.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
