New guy

[mbebos]

Good morning all. Slept well last night, best so far this week. Went to bed on the early side. Woke up this morning feeling sad, but not out of my mind anxious. Ate a full meal last night. To keep everything consistent (same scale, same time of day, same clothing), I weighed in at home this morning, and I am right at 300lbs. I am just about to break this massive milestone, which puts me at 38lbs lost since last may instead of 35 like I thought yesterday. I have never looked my weight, people always guess 20-30lbs lower, but for me that 300 number depressed me when I hit it on the way up, and rather than do something about it I emotionally ate.

My project of the week is validation. Reading a lot on it.

I know what the first few things the W will bring up if/when the time comes. Please critique my examples:

Criticism
W: You made me feel like a failure with the constant criticism.
Me: So I understand you correctly, are you speaking of the smaller day to day criticisms, or was there anything larger scale that I was doing?
W: The smaller ones, the nitpicking.
Me: That must have felt terrible, tell me more about it.
W: (examples)
Me: It is very understandable that you would feel that way. If I could do it all over again, much would be different.

My question here on this first example is: My father criticized me my whole life until he died. I know how she feels from him doing it to me. Do I say that I can now see why she felt that way because I have experienced it myself or just eat crow and be sorry? Do I apologize and say I never meant to make her feel that way? My old way would have been for me be defensive to bring up her criticisms of me, but this is the new me, and I will take ownership for my actions.

You never listen to me or retain what I tell you
W: Through our whole relationship you have never been a good listener. Even your friends have complained that you don't listen, or you are too distracted. When you do claim to listen, you do not retain what I tell you. You only remember what is important to you.
Me: You are right to feel hurt by this. It is so important to feel you are being heard. I did not do a good job of this in any of my relationships with friends, family, or you. I can only say that I am deeply sorry... (insert question here)
Question: Do I say, I am working hard on listening and being present? Do I say some of the things I am committed to doing and how I am learning to be a better listener?

You won't change
W: Every time you make an effort to change, it is only temporary. You do well for a few months, then when the motivation dies, you slip right back into new habits.
Me: You are correct, that has been my pattern for a long time.
W: I am afraid that if we make these efforts to reconcile, you will just get comfortable again, and fall back into the same habits.
Me: I can see why you would be afraid. My past is a pattern of inconsistency. I can't convince you with words and promises, but is there something that I can do in my actions to build your trust in me? (question)
Question: do I mention that the new me is here to stay regardless of what happens with her and I? Do I say that the old me is gone?