I'm sitting here thinking of before and during the start of his A. How I always took his word for things. I was my own person as well as a part of the "we" that we were. So if I had a concern I would ask and be satisfied with his answer and go about things.
Then I found out and never once since have I been able to believe a word he says. And even if I eventually find out he was being truthful it usually comes on the heels of finding out he was untruthful about 5 other things. So it's a cycle of horror
I don't know how to get back to who I was before. And even though he is completely against transparency he craves being trusted by me.
He said he wants us to be able to enjoy spending time together, alone and with the kids. That he can't take the fighting anymore
I can't either. It's killing me. I would like to be at a place mentally and emotionally that I can spend time with him and not harp about his phone and enjoy the moment with zero expectations.
But I'm nowhere near that.
And I just want space and time. Today has been filled with sweet texts and even a little reflection from him. I replied to some but not all. Seems like he is scared of giving me what he said he wanted all along. Us apart. Space and time to think.
I don't know. I feel lost. If I walk away I want to know I did actually try. Not just say I tried. But WAW seems so much easier at times. A clean slate. Eventually someone new who didn't cheat on me and hurt me.
