Adventures of PP, Woofie, and the WAW (10)

[PigPen]

Thank you Lady V, that's a huge compliment coming from you. I feel like I'm close to being a man only a fool would leave but still have work to do. I'm doing it though, just yesterday I had a session with an "intimacy coach". These people do exist! And no, it's not as steamy as it sounds. He talked for 90 minutes about emotions and vulnerability.

And Mona, you are still the light of my life these days. I want to chop some wood in your yard without my shirt on.

Just did my second to last Woofie swap with the WAW. It was one of our quickest. I went into it knowing that I didn't want to get drawn into any long conversation as I'm already a bit fried from saying my goodbyes to people this week here at home. Plus I knew if I did get drawn into it I would feel worse afterwards.

So we hugged, swapped his majesty, gave each other Christmas presents (little ones), decided on the next swap time, hugged again, and that was it. Not a mention of anything happening in our own lives.

Since it's the DB board and I'm still DB'ing, I also didn't want to get drawn into any conversation about our D. My STBXW had previously stated that she wanted everything wrapped up with our D by the time I leave...which means all wrapped up by next Friday. We haven't met once with attorneys. I haven't even talked to mine since the first time I met with her months ago. I'm only partially available on Tue and Wed of next week. That's it. Not sure how we'd make this work.

My W hasn't mentioned it in the last few conversations so of course, neither have I. It's also seemed like the less I ask her about anything or show any interest, the more often she calls me.

Are we emotionally D'ed? Yes we are. I know this. It's been over a year now . As detached as I am fellow DB'ers, I still believe until the paperwork is signed and sealed and a judge stamps it, it's not yet official. I believe in the long game, even if that game does end up coming to its conclusion next week.

I believe in the commitment I made on my wedding day, even if that means we are not together for over two years. I won't give up the last 1% of hope until the courts tell me I have to legally.

I believe that now at least. Who knows what this adventure will show me or who. As of tonight I still think my W is the most beautiful woman in the world. Truly. She looked stunning in nothing more than a jacket, a beanie, and a scarf. She caught my breath for a second and I had to pretend that our little Buddha was running out into the street to recover myself.

Another day in the game. Another day still in the fight, sort of. Another day to grow and get better.

And guess what fellow DB'ers? Yesterday I posted an article on my new website about a part of the upcoming trip that already took place - a conversation I had with an ex. At 8pm this evening it's been read over 1500 times. It was the nod from the Universe I needed to feel like I'm on the right path.

Big hugs to you all,

PP