I am so sorry that you are hurting so much right now NYGal. You don't deserve this at all. If I lived closer to you, I would give you a hug and help you pack. You shouldn't have to do this alone. Do you have any family close by? A sister, cousin, close friend or someone that can be there for you? I know you feel like your hear is being ripped out, but you will get through this. Hold your head up, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Force yourself to think about ANYTHING but her even if only for a few minutes. Go stand outside and fee the fresh air, call someone on the phone, turn on some uplifting (NOT SAD) music and turn it up loud, play with your dogs....just do ANYTHING to take your mind off of the pain for a few minutes, then take some more deep breaths and calm down. You've got this. You can do it. You ARE stronger than you think. One day, this will just be a bad memory that you will choose to forget. In the meantime, we are all here for you.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Thanks, inpain. Guilt. That's what I need to hear. I couldn't think of a reason. I keep thinking she secretly wants me back, or might one day. I have to remind myself that right now she isn't herself. And right now she doesn't want me. But she tortured me for two months while she tried to decide between the two of us. She only once said if we break up, that's it, forever. I think she was trying it on for size. Because she hasn't said it recently.
And bottom line, I know we don't know what the future holds.
Thanks for the hugs.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
When I see or talk to my H his eyes always get red and he always tears up. I have always thought it was because he LOVES me and really wants to be with me, but just can't for some reason. Then, I heard others on here say that it could be that he just feels guilt for hurting me. That's a hard one for me because I don't want him to feel guilty, I want him to love me. I wish I knew which it was, but I'm sure I never will.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Thanks everyone. None of my friends are available tonight. I can do this. I will. One more load over to the new place. Stick with me tonight. I need you all.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
We will be here for you. (((((NYGal))))) Stay strong.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Ny, I'm right here. And I totally get it. I'm moving out of my lovely apartment too in a few weeks. Every time I load the dishwasher or take a shower I want to cry because soon I won't have that. I mean, I'll have a bathroom, just not as nice.
This [censored] so much. Someone else made a decision and now we have to live with the consequences. But while your W is confused and not dealing with her problems right now, you are dealing with yours. You're becoming a better version of yourself. You're doing the work to make sure this never happens again. It's so hard to believe as we pack up and leave life as we know it, but eventually we will find the silver lining. Hey, I like myself a lot better these days.
I'd go much further than Painter. Booby trap the whole friggin house!
Tomorrow night I'm having a bonfire party for everyone here....the cooler is filled with beer and coolers. Hey, we need some steak....wanna bring some?? I'll pull out some Mad Lib games so we all can fill it out with awful choice OW adjectives.....oh my! Imagine reading them out loud!?
Back last year, H asked me to go visit family and "let him see how he felt" about things. So I packed up the kids and went to stay with family in another state. After I left, he "wasn't sure" he wanted me to come back at all, so I waited and waited...not wanting to push. Finally, my goodwill ran out and I told him I was coming home whether he liked it or not because it was my house as much as it was his. I returned home to find he had packed up every bit of my belongings without even telling me...had moved my clothes out of my dressers and everything of mine out of the bathroom. He even took down pictures and decor I had hung up throughout the house and packed up my office. To top it all off, he even changed the locks on the house. He tried to scrub my very existence out of his life, saying he "needed to see what it felt like."
It's been four months since I came back. Since then, he filed for divorce, then had second thoughts. We started talking again...became friendly...had a wonderful Christmas together as a family. The last time *I* mentioned moving out per the terms of our separation agreement, he asked me to wait.
Today is hard, and nothing will change that for you. But it's not the end. Things can turn around and change drastically in no time at all. Hang in there!!
So tomorrow I move out. W comes back home in the evening. We have no plans to communicate. What now? Do I have to do NC? I'm so confused. I want to call her now, but I won't. Tired, sad, having a pity party all by my lonesome self. Angry, too. That she did this. We had a beautiful life with friends that loved us, nice neighbors, great dogs, pretty house, amazing garden, comforting routines, laughter and love. Now this. This bites.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm so sorry. I hope youre enjoying a nice glass of wine right now. This doesn't make sense so don't try to make it. Lean into it and don't try to escape it, that's how you get by. Or so I was told. Truth is, I'm at the same place as you minus the home, so I really can't give you or anybody else hope. But I'm with you.
