Help..I am drowning

[rich4j]

Has anyone who has had to live in the same house with your W who is planning on a D been able to cope and keep things sane for months? She is going to see the lawyer tomorrow. Step 2

I want to stay here for my daughter and keep things civil but its so hard. I came back from a work trip today and we had to text each other about the dogs, daughter etc....and she had meetings too about a project she is working on. And unsolicited she says "todays meetings were the best I have had to date..."

Naturally I tried to DB by just answering the question /text around the dogs and time I would be back but had to say "congrats". I am looking back at this saying I should have just stuck to the dogs .....why congratulate her?

Ugh...I need some scotch!

[Cristy]

Hello Rich4j,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

You are wise to focus on being the best Rich and Dad you can be without thinking about winning your W back. Make these changes/improvements for you and your precious daughter. Your wife may say that she notices these changes and it is too late and that is OK! You are making these changes for you and your daughter, right?

Have you consulted with an attorney? I know that is not the path you want, but having the knowledge of what to expect and what your rights as a parent are will be helpful.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[G8r]

Hi rich4j. I'm still living in the house with my WW and D3. WW went to see a L last Friday to get the D ball moving. All I can say is take one day at a time. Unfortunately I spent parts of Saturday and Sunday text arguing. Monday she left a door open and our dog escaped. Although I was extremely angry, I asked to post on FB about dog. When a tip helped me find the dog, I thanked her and mentioned that finding the dog was a good team effort. Tuesday and Wednesday have been pleasant. Hope today goes the same but we'll see.

Regardless, you're in tough sitch and I wish you well.

[rich4j]

Gr8r
Sorry to hear that....on the ball rolling and the dog! I have 2 dogs and would have been livid.

Today was one of the toughest days so far.

W has been spending like crazy and taking advantage of this situation. She had a lawyer appointment today and was asking me tons of questions about finances which I don't want to answer as it feels like knives being thrown at me. She has basically ruined any chance of a comfortable life for me and us for the forseeable future.

I also went to a lawyer and I was so upset that I almost vomited when leaving. I am afraid she won't let me stay in the house after D and will be taking me to the mat.

I had to go see the therapist we had worked with to talk thru this stuff which made me fee a bit better but not great.

I hope she is reasonable thru this as she is usually a hot head and I think going to use our daughter and her desire to move away as a negotiation thing. I won't go for it...that is non -negotiable.

My therapist mentioned that she has had some couples at the brink go away for a weekend at a Divorce Buster type of event and has worked out for a few.

Right now, no chasing or last ditch efforts. But this train has a head of steam and its about to run me over...

[G8r]

Oh yeah, I was livid. Fortunately I am slowly learning to take a breath and ask myself whether or not my reaction is going to help me possibly reach my goal of R or push me further away. Fortunately / unfortunately, my WW is giving me lots of practice. Seems like she tries to start arguments (imo) just so she can stay mad and angry with me.

Heard lots of others on board suggest protecting yourself. Sounds like that may be particularly important for you. Hopefully your W will be reasonable, that's what mine claims she wants.

[rich4j]

I sure hope your W is reasonable.

Mine is 53 and hasnt worked for a while and I know she is going to hit me hard. Financial stuff was one of the issues in our marriage that I know she knows it will hurt me And she has been very mean lately....

This is only getting harder for me. Everything around me reminds me of my family

Was in a starbucks and saw a husband with his 2 kids and wife happily hanging and playing around ....almost lost it and cried in a damn Starbucks.....wow.

[rich4j]

SOMEBODY HELP ME KEEP MY SANITY HERE!!!!!

Got home and the W, colder than cold, tells me a book came and she was sorry but she opened the package. It was the Divorce Remedy book....she chuckled in an ugly way

And then started in on needing the financial info for the lawyer. I got to tell you, I read some of the stories here and there is hope

But here....I only see a painful road until we get a divorce settlement in place.

I am going to start reading tonight regardless....

[G8r]

Wow!!! Sorry to hear that. I think I would feel violated in some way if my W did that. I went to the bookstore to buy my copy the old fashion way so there wouldn't be a chance for that to happen. I think I also would have stuff shipped to work instead of my house as well.

Hopefully reading the book will provide you with some solace and hope. If nothing else, I think it will help guide you to becoming a better person.

[rich4j]

thx Yeah...went to bookstore but they did not have it!

Strangely enough too she made a comment that "maybe I should read it"

Not sure...got to read it first to see if I should even think about that! thoughts?

[G8r]

I actually came across the book before I found this forum. It's a good read. I read it in 2 days while the W was out of town. It provides more details, elaboration and examples of the advice that people on this forum share with one another. It provided me with a very rationale explanation (IMO) for why I was not having success with my floundering attempts at R. It reminded me of many of the concepts and ideas that I used to use to attract women. Women dig confidence, self assurance and manliness, neither of which I was showing by constantly begging for 1 more chance. I was no longer the guy who took his W to Home Depot for their 3rd date to have her buy flowers that I would plant for her rather than showing up to a dinner date with flowers.