Just read your posts and i am sorry for what you are going thru...
I would be as angry as you are as I thought my W was in the same boat a few months ago but we hashed things out in terms of an affair which is wasn't. Just not inlove with me anymore allegedly
I don't know if you work out but I have gotten very much back into it this past month to channel my anger and sadness at the gym
Sounds like she is way confused especially if this is what she is messing up your life for right now
Hang in there ....
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
I don't know what to do with it. My intention was to blow it up, but the first thing I found was proof that she is filing soon. Maybe tomorrow. A huge part of me wants to confront her with it, but why would she even care at this point? She wants out anyway. What she would not want is to have this info leaked to her family. Again, what good would that do now? Anything I do with this information will just cause more pain to people around us. Mostly, my children. I will just sit on this unless I can think of a useful way to use it. I waited too long. This should have been done when she was still in the "I'm not sure" phase.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
Thanks Rich. For the most part, I have been going hard at the gym for a while now. It definitely helps, both physically and socially. I made some pretty good friends there so far. I will read up on your sitch.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
Free, I am so sorry that this is your reality. I am upset and I am only reading about it. To know she is going to file and have this information is devastating. I am so sorry Free, so sorry
I don't know what to do with it. My intention was to blow it up, but the first thing I found was proof that she is filing soon. Maybe tomorrow. A huge part of me wants to confront her with it, but why would she even care at this point? She wants out anyway. What she would not want is to have this info leaked to her family. Again, what good would that do now? Anything I do with this information will just cause more pain to people around us. Mostly, my children. I will just sit on this unless I can think of a useful way to use it. I waited too long. This should have been done when she was still in the "I'm not sure" phase.
She doesn't know what she wants. She's in affair fog.
Last edited by Cristy; 01/26/1602:32 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other authors/books/sites
Free, it is pretty insane. In my experience, most affairs are trading down. I can't explain it other than that person was in the right place at the right time with the right line. And that is one reason why so many affairs blow up relatively quickly.
Can you share what you said earlier about legal things your L advised that can give her some consequences?
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
Tx, I agree with that philosophy. If I had known about A sooner, maybe blowing it up would have helped. I only found out about it last week. It's too late now for many reasons. Mostly, because W is filing soon. Partly, because I can't imagine ever wanting to be near her again. There is something that crossed my mind tonight. I'll throw it out there if anyone wants to comment. When BD occurred, W was insistent that we both needed help for our issues separately before we could work on our M. I agreed with this at the time. Early on, she was supportive in finding therapist and seemed interested in how it was going. Then, her interest in the therapist sessions suddenly stopped. It was at that point where she could no longer look me in the eyes when speaking to me. I mean she would look away and seemingly talk to the wall while I was standing right in front of her. I never figured out why, until tonight. I think that is when the A started. I think that the fact that she could not look me in the eyes was pure guilt over what she had begun and her hatred of me for causing her to do it. When I came home today, W was standing near the front door. I could not look at her. I looked away and walked by her without a word. I didn't mean to do this purposely, it just happened. I think the reason I reacted that way is because I now hate her. I hate what she has done, I hate the choices she has made, and I hate that she is in the same home that I am in as I type this. I hate that since BD, I did everything I possibly could to learn and correct the issues that bothered her, with zero response or interest from her. I hate the fact that I cannot sleep or eat. I hate the fact that I had to pay someone to find out that my W had sex with OM today. And most of all, I hate that my kids have been watching all of this play out for 8 months and neither myself or my W have spoken about it to them. We all just go to bed every night, quietly suffering in different rooms. Tx, you might be right that she doesn't know what she wants. I know what I want now. I want to hurt her emotionally and financially to the fullest extent that the law will allow. I want my children to have a parent that they can respect and i want them to know that I tried my best to keep our family together. I want to be able to sleep more than 2 ambien induced hours in a row and eat without throwing up. I want this divorce.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
