Like I said, you two are not on the same page right now so there is nothing you can do together to make progress. You both have to be willing to communicate with sincerity and (assuming what you're posting is accurate) he is not there yet.
Regarding concrete things you can do for yourself...what I meant there was detach, GAL, etc. The usual stuff.
There's no magic as you know. The main thing you can do right now is continue growing and doing things that make you stronger, healthier, happier, etc. Maybe even talk to an IC on your own.
If he ever came to you and said he wanted to work on the marriage, perhaps your response could be something like, "I want that too, but I don't think we can do that in an environment where there's sarcasm, yelling, accusations, and belittling, or where you think I'm {insert whatever valid complaints about you he has here}. We have to work to get to a place where we can be sincere, open, honest, and accepting. Do you want to discuss how we can do that?"
I don't know whether that's a good idea or not. But I think it shouldn't be said unless he expresses sincere interest in working on the marriage. Again, if he's got issues with compulsion, depression, etc. and is always lashing out, all you can do is keep yourself and the kids moving forward.
