I thing popped across my desk yesterday. There is a job opening that flat out doubles my salary. I could be teaching Comp Sci in a college. Before I go any further, I have no intention of going for this job. I am just so happy, because I am way over qualified for it. While I was in school I was worried I would never get to the point where I qualify for a six-figure income job.
The first time he left me, my goal for DB'ing was to get a six-figure job.
The job I am at offers free college education for all three of my kids (and a H if I had one...), so there is no way I would trade that in for a bigger paycheck.
But I CAN if I wanted to. It took years, but I made my 180's a way of life and hit some goals along the way.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I need to unload another confession, only because I spoke to my IC about it and I am not making as much of a mistake as I thought I was. But reflecting on it, I might just be walking into the same prison I just left (or am trying to leave).
I had another sleep over at Chris's house. I used the time to push myself into breaking out of my 20-years-with-the-same-man shell. I am not in love with him, nor is he in love with me.
I picked my IC because that counseling center has a strong Christian base. I figured they would be very very pro-marriage. So I tell her about my unchristianlike activities, and her first question was "Did you learn anything?"
Well, to me, that was what was so liberating about the whole darn thing. I have learned things about myself I never dreamed possible.
She did not berate me or criticize me. At one point I said something like I learned that I am okay with every part of my body except my belly, and he had no problem with it. He thought I was beautiful.
She asked me to repeat myself 2 more times, lol. Then she told me she was proud. HAHA I am laughing because, seriously, I am surrounded by actions I have done that are so so so much more worthy of praise, lol.
But now that IC is over, I look at what I receive from Chris, and it is very close to what I thought I needed from H. Validation so I can believe him, and not deal with my internal struggle. Chris says I am beautiful, so I believe him. Sound familiar? Yikes!
I also get the physical connection with someone else, and I am dying alone waiting for that. So I just need to make sure I dont develop a co-dependency. I have not spoken to him in days so I dont think I am. To me, it was kinda like going bowling. An activity I did for fun, validation, a boost to my PMA, but I am not gonna go join a league with him. He feels the exact same way so I am not leading him on. I just need to keep my eyes wide open and be careful. That is why I dont want to hide it here. You guys can slap me if I am wrong.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I love the way you tailored the voice technique for your need.
Outstanding.
Another trick I pull on myself is called the Friendship bank account, if I do something with expectation for another it is a deposit to my friendship bank account with them, the compliment can be their deposit back. That way it removes the embarrassment content from it, it becomes business style. This doesn't work if this is a random act of kindness.
I have work and client bank accounts too. It came about because I found work related compiments didn't phase me.
I wonder if this would work in date sitches?
Musing
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am happy to read about the good things in your life. As your contact with your husband has been reduced your posts have become happier and much more positive. I am thinking of your transformation and I'm smiling. Be well
