WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE

[trumpet]

npmyst,

In theory, yes, but to her, my needs have never been a priority.

Yes, I'd love to tell her that. It will come up in counseling, if we get there. But after lots of prayer, I realize that's my cross to bear to keep my vow, my word. Is her disregarding my emotional and physical needs a sin in my book? Yes. Did I disregard her needs for 15 years? Yes.

Her mom and dad have a 'wonderful' relationship, accord to my wife.
Her mom has been walking with a cane since she was 50. Never exercised. Did gastric bypass years ago, gained it all back. Worked part-time her whole life. Was emotionally abused as a kid by an alcoholic father. Lots of issues, including huge amounts of sarcasm and resentment.
My wife's father puts up with it all. Worked 2 jobs his whole life. Fixes a 150 year old queen-ann victorian house. Gets up 3 times a night to heat the house with a wood-burning stove. Drives her everywhere. He cooks, he cleans, he washes dishes, fixes the house, maintains the cars and house, works a full-time job after he retired. He does most of the laundry. He has always driven his mother and mother-in-law everywhere. His sister in law has never gotten her driving license - he drives her everywhere as well.

Do you know what she does? Spends money, watches tv, chats with my wife on facebook, and does a little charity work on the side. She does do some of the grociery shopping.

My wife sees this as the perfect relationship. The husband doing almost everything - the wife, doing what she wants. This is the desire for my wife - the perfect marriage, accord to her. That desire turned into expectations when we got married, and we had fireworks in our house in the first 3 months because of it. All her expectations not getting met meant she now has huge amounts of resentment towards me. I have told her she has unrealistic expectations... her comments point to 'So, I have high expectations? Shouldn't I? Shouldn't you be held to a high standard?'

Mutual submission isn't in my wife's vocabulary. It's sad, and if I want to have a fulfilling marriage, my wife would have to come around to thinking that she's 50% of the work behind getting us back to whole. I can't tell her that, and I know I have work to do on my side of the street.

So, I believe in marriage, and I believe keeping my vow. I also believe that I need to find happiness in my life, as I don't think my wife has the capability of providing it. But in a marriage, do you really want to rely on your spouse to provide all your happiness?

Maybe I'm a bit jaded and wallowing in a bit of pity today, but once I have a wife who's willing to work on us, then some of this can come out - in front of a counselor.