GAL'ing will be back for me. It never left, but I had been doing a few things to try to show the wife I was committed to reconciliation. I will interact with her a bit more than a full detachment - to show I'm in the relationship, but I'm not going to hang out with her. That was something I was considering - 'hey, let's watch some TV, let's go for a walk, let's go for a coffee'... but I think those things are on hold until I get proof, and consistent proof, that it's over.
So it doesn't seem like pursuing and because you aren't absolutely sure of "no contact" yet....instead of being completely detached you might get the opportunity or feel like deploying a little trick I like to suggest in these situations.
Instead of asking her out on a date or anything you simply address it like this:
"The last few months have been super stressful for me and I'm sure you as well. I just need a night out. I need to escape this and just go and have some fun. Before all this heavy stuff we used to have fun together and I'd like to do that. No relationship talk or discussions about marriage - just a night out. Whatdaya say I get a sitter saturday night and we go downtown???"
Then - follow through. She's in withdrawal so she'll be running late and unable to get ready, feed the kids and arrange a sitter so you just handle all that stuff up front for her without comment. Then you take her out and anytime she tries to talk relationship or be heavy you LISTEN for a bit (don't pass up an opportunity to plant some seeds) but then stop her and indicate this night is break night from marital strife for both of you.
Waywards LOVE to escape reality. Most jump at the chance to go out and escape thinking about their life and predicament. Then, once out, if you back off they can't help themselves pursuing relationship conversations anyway. She'll be more attracted to the husband that wants to have fun and be like he was years ago when they first met than a mopey husband who's all pressuring her to commit and talking so serious all the time.
Added bonus - it'll be a few hours she won't be thinking about, texting, emailing or otherwise obsessing about OM. IF they are continuing the affair in some manner - OM won't like you taking his girlfriend out on the town and he can be the one getting all nervous, obsessive and jealous about your relationship with your wife.
It's a difficult balancing act to undertake. Not pursuing but yet somehow always around. No contact is just so essential that you can't just leave your wife adrift in the fog by herself to find her way home - but you also can't drag her out of the fog kicking and screaming. You have to be like a magician, distracting with one hand while the other one is pulling a pulling a tow line you hooked up to her boat under the water line. So remain as present as you can in her life without pursuing. The more time you can do this ALONE and without the children around the better. Her idle time is her riskiest time.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
