Even with all my GAL, it's been a rough week for me. I've been crazy with work and attacking my GAL, but I made the horrible mistake of looking over my shoulder to assess how my wife is doing. And I didn't like what I saw. I won't sugar-coat this - I am losing hope.
She was a complete mess. Physically suffering, mentally suffering, always tired. And distant. Oh so distant. I realize that WW live on a pendulum of emotions - as happy as she is with me one day, I can almost guarantee that she'll snap as far toward disdain. My goal with GAL and detaching is to provide a buffer so that her swings don't mess with me as much. So I don't get as puppy-dog excited when she pats me on the head or feel panicked when she stays late at work.
If you asked me earlier this week I would have said it was working - I was feeling detached and happy. But after over a week of her pulling away, I'm still waiting for her to come back around to me. I know it's only been a week, but after seeing so much progress I'm now devastated because it feels like we're backsliding into the pit we were in before. So no, I don't have this detachment thing down yet.
Possible triggers? She's been late from work every day this week. Late enough on Monday that I was convinced she was with OM. I didn't check or ask or pursue. It didn't even really bother me that night. It's her life and she can screw it up however she wants. But the next day I felt the need to swing by her work on the way home and her car was still in the parking lot. Same yesterday. So maybe she's not with him, but she's not super interested in being with me either. And I'm pi$$ed at myself for needing to check where she was. Detachment? I know thee not.
Yesterday she wanted to show me something on her phone, and I saw a notification from the app she used to chat with the OM. I felt like I got punched in the gut. I didn't want to, but I asked her about it. She laughed it off and said she used it to talk with other friends. I'm pretty sure that was a lie, but it was late and I was making dinner. I wanted to talk more about it with her, or at least look at her contacts to see if she had other friends using the app but 1) she fell asleep too early and 2) I wasn't sure that was the best course of action. I am debating if I should ask to look at her phone in the next few days - not because I expect to see contact with the OM (she knows how to delete posts), but to check her story of using it for other people.
So with that as a backdrop, I am trying to hit my GAL hard. Moving forward, I will make plans with the kids to get them out of the house. She can come with, but we will go whether she is there or not. My kids are my life, and I want to strengthen our bonds as much as possible before any potential divorce.
I will go to a church this Sunday. Don't know which one, but I will start shopping. I need to expand my friendship circle, and this seems like a good way to meet "safe" people while also meeting an unfulfilled need for spirituality. This will be a solo trip, unless my wife really wants to come with. I will frame it by saying "I am going to check out church X this weekend." I will not ask her if she wants to come with (although if she asks to come she is welcome)
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
My wife works till 7:30 each day sometimes 8:00. She said there is no desire to come home. So I have to cook and clean up after the kids eat. We eat together as a family once a week, tops twice. She complained about my behavior in the past. Okay, point taken, how about now? The selfishness of a ww/waw is incredible.
Has your W said she ended her contacts with OM? Has she agreed to a transparency plan? If not, then she's not working on the MR.
Yes to both. But I'm not convinced she's sticking to the plan. I'm torn because I really want to grab her phone and look for evidence (with her knowing) and get everything out in the open. At the same time, I'm worried they'll just find another way to keep at it. Then again, if I'm right it's not exactly like that would be a change....
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Azzork, I forgot to thank you for posting - I love your insights and bluntness. I need both right now
Originally Posted By: Azzork
Eh, one day at a time. When you make a mistake, learn from it and move on.
You mention driving by her work. Why did you do it? What did you expect to gain? What would you do next time?
The drive byes are just a replacement for looking at her phone. I know that, but have a hard time ignoring it. I suppose I would justify it as a way to confirm her stories about where she was (intel), but I'm sure that's not healthy. Besides, I've always thought an EA is far more damaging than a PA, so I'm not sure it really matters where the heck she is as long as she's not at home. Or engaged in something that is helping the family...
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
mutatio - rants are OK and you don't have to apologize.
Originally Posted By: mutatio
My wife works till 7:30 each day sometimes 8:00. She said there is no desire to come home. So I have to cook and clean up after the kids eat. We eat together as a family once a week, tops twice. She complained about my behavior in the past. Okay, point taken, how about now? The selfishness of a ww/waw is incredible.
Sorry for the rant
Believe me I understand. You are where I was about 6 months to a year ago. I worked on things that I thought would help (mainly opening our lines of communication) and trying to boost my wife's self esteem (not a good idea).
The only thing that changed things is when I discovered pics between her and the OM and confronted her. Now we're somewhere different, but I'm not sure where we are or where it's going.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
