Thanks for your encouragement. I haven't packed a thing. Just talking to friends. Wine is one of my friends tonight. It's hard to do much when it's dark and cold.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hmmm, I can't post on my old thread anymore to direct people to my new one. And when is the edit button coming back?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I hope it's not inappropriate to say, but I have such a good feeling about your situation. I just hope your W wakes up before you lose patience and detach to the point of walking away. For her sake, I mean.
I hope it's not inappropriate to say, but I have such a good feeling about your situation. I just hope your W wakes up before you lose patience and detach to the point of walking away. For her sake, I mean.
I think I love you for saying that. Hope keeps me going, and gets me through the lonely evenings. Thanks, Gmum.
So, I've joined this Rebuilding Seminar group, and we're supposed to call everyone from the small groups we broke up into at our first meeting on Sunday. I just got off the phone with the poor guy who is the one in our small group who is having an affair and left his wife one month ago. I wanted to get his perspective. The scariest thing he said was that he still loves his wife (luckily he didn't say BINILW her or I don't know what I would have done), and of course that made me feel like all of W's protestations of love might just be out of guilt. But I don't think so. I do believe she's just very, very confused. My secret goal was to convince this guy to go back to his wife!! I gave him food for thought, I know that.
So, I'm indulging in the fantasy that W and I still have a chance and that makes me happy. Azoork reminds me to look at all this stuff from both sides, not just my rose colored glasses side, and I think that's good advice. It actually makes me better informed and keeps me on track to reach my goal of a reconciliation.
And I can have that goal while still trying to GAL and detach and work on myself. I think I posted on my last thread about what the meditation teacher said that summarizes the Buddha's teachings in 6 words. (I'm not spiritual or religious, but I'm trying anything.) "Pay attention. Don't cling. Be kind." Sounds like good advice for any situation, but I think it was what I was meant to hear last night, and it's what I need to do to be a better person first, and hopefully a better partner some day as well. And hopefully to W!!!
I'm taking tomorrow afternoon off to pack. Tonight I'm just too numb.
I like the idea of keeping the path home clear, so that if W decides she wants to come home(ie. back to me), it will be easier. A friend suggested that I leave something for her in the house. She said flowers, but I think that's too obvious. I'm going to have the coffee ready to go for her. That's something she always did for me. But of course I'm only going to have enough made for 1, not for 2!!!
So, I've found a notebook where she kept notes of one of our first times together. She had throat surgery and couldn't talk so she wrote her end of the conversation. The notes show her vulnerability and surprise that she could fall in love so quickly and feel such deep love in return. It's quite sweet, actually. I want to leave the notebook out for her, or maybe put it in the drawer by the bed for her to find sometime later, with a note. Something that reminds her she can feel safe with me. (She said the other day that she has "major concerns" about OW and doesn't feel safe with her.) But I guess that would seem manipulative or pursuing, so it's a no-no. I suppose I should just put it back on the shelf where I found it?
I'm glad you're in a better place but I'm hesitant to encourage your idea of leaving little trinkets out for your W. I'm not at all qualified to give DB advice but please make sure Wonka or Azzork chime in before you do anything.
I'm glad your seminar is going well. What is it exactly? I hope you talked some sense into that guy. Must have been a nice feeling to be able to utilize your newfound skills.
The seminar is based on a book called Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher. It meets for 10 weeks, Sunday evenings. Then I guess there will be social activities as well. It's nice to be with a group of people who understand.
I know the trinket idea is a bad one. I am going to do the coffee pot thing, though for sure.
How are you tonight, Gmum?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Oh boy, here come the tears. As I pack to move I have so many memories. And I'll be trying to put all my possessions into one small room. I feel so defeated. And then I just had this overwhelming wish that she would call and say, "I've made the biggest mistake of my life. Please forgive me." But that's not happening.
Where did my beautiful W go?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I know the trinket idea is a bad one. I am going to do the coffee pot thing, though for sure.
Agree that leaving that book out is pursuing. Leave it where it is. If she sees it, she sees it.
As for the coffee, can you do it with no expectations? You are doing a small favor for an acquaintance - not as a way of your W remembering you, correct?
