Damn Free, you're relatively knew to the board too. Do you have a desire to save your M or are you completely out? Either one works for me, I'm just curious.
I appreciate a man who will use "the head of lettuce" metaphor in his posts. Kudos to you for your articulation!
Sorry you're here, especially after spending so much of your life with someone. I hope your W comes out of the fog and does so before more damage is done. Just because she's interested or pursuing D doesn't mean she's going to go through with it.
Sounds like you're a man with a plan though.
Best of luck in your sitch.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
What are your thoughts on blowing up the A by snooping?
She wrote a small paragraph basically saying are you aware that your Director of Finance is a lying cheating whore that sleeps with other women's husbands? She put them everywhere. It is a very conservative financial services company. My wife was asked to resign that day.
If he's married and the OBS doesn't know, that makes exposure very simple.
TX, I still wish I could do this. In my case the OW is the Deputy Chief of Human Resources. In my dreams I blanket the parking lot with flyers that say something just like that. Maybe adding that her professor x-husband presumably doesn't know that now she's switched teams and is now the homewrecker sleeping with my wife. Ahhhhh, one can dream.
What are your thoughts on blowing up the A by snooping?
. My feelings are a little complexed. If a man needs to gather intell in order to know if his W is cheating or not.......I understand and am not completely resistant to it. The problem is that the method he chooses to gather the initial intell can become somewhat addictive. Some men can't handle what they read between the WW and OM, yet the LBH'S can't resist snooping. It's like an addiction.
On the subject of blowing up an A.........I will tell you how I felt as the WW. If my LBH had made it public knowledge, gotten me fired (which I doubt my employer would have cared), essentially humiliated me before the community...........I would not have run back into his arms....EVER. I realize some people argue that the WW brought it upon herself when she chose to cheat. But it's the LBS's vindictive way of exposing (or as you said, blowing up) the affair. If you have no intentions of rebuilding your MR, and you are filing for D...........I suppose it doesn't matter how you do it (except if your kids are older, you may want to consider their embarrassment facing people). If you start spreading the word to everyone, as TXhubby told about OM's W, it pretty well burns bridges and isn't a well paved road back home. Although, I tend to think a man could go back to his home, easier than a shamed woman, b/c of the dynamics.......but that's just me.
MWD does not have anything in DR about blowing up A's. She says if they won't stop the A to get a lawyer and a divorce. And I say that if you plan to use an atom bomb to blow it apart, you might as well get a divorce.
She may have no other options to return home. Is that how you want her back, b/c she had no option? If she gets fired and OM is run out of town, don't expect her to melt into your arms and feel desire for you. She may never go visit your friends & family or invite them over, b/c of the shame factor. One day down the road, with lots of MC, she might get over it, IDK. I have read where some men say their WW thanks them. Maybe so, I won't argue with them. All I can tell you is how it would have affected me. If I had been publicly shamed, I would have blamed the one who dropped the atom bomb and I would have left town (I live in a small place), b/c of my shame and feeling I could never face people. That is the issue for me........the vindictiveness and shame involved. In Txhubby's case, it was OM's W, so that took some of the heat directly off Txhubby (can't remember all the background details). Just bear in mind that the larger the exposition, the less chance you may have at reconciling.
Perhaps this sounds like a double standard, IDK. I know adultery causes a lot of damage, and so does the manner in which a man chooses to blow it to kingdom come.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
What are your thoughts on blowing up the A by snooping?
She wrote a small paragraph basically saying are you aware that your Director of Finance is a lying cheating whore that sleeps with other women's husbands? She put them everywhere. It is a very conservative financial services company. My wife was asked to resign that day.
If he's married and the OBS doesn't know, that makes exposure very simple.
TX, I still wish I could do this. In my case the OW is the Deputy Chief of Human Resources. In my dreams I blanket the parking lot with flyers that say something just like that. Maybe adding that her professor x-husband presumably doesn't know that now she's switched teams and is now the homewrecker sleeping with my wife. Ahhhhh, one can dream.
In your case, if the organization found out, especially considering you all work there and OW is in an executive leadership position, she would be asked to resign immediately. No organization tolerates stuff like this. Too much risk of lawsuits. They don't need the headaches.
Sandi, Again, all valid points. I guess every case is different because everyone is different in how they react and handle adversity. There are many variables in every relationship. You are so right when you say that a WW is not the woman we married. My W is unrecognizable to me now and is definitely in the fog. There is little to no reality going on in her head. My thoughts on snooping was that exposure may help clear that fog. Maybe this works when the WW is still in the "I'm unsure" phase, but not this late. I waited too long. As for the depth of going public with the A, it depends. Generally speaking, I'd say to blow it up hard. It is what seems to work best, based on threads that I've seen. It is embarrassing for everyone once it is out there, not just the WW. The LBH also exposes himself and his children to the public when he blows up the A. It would be a clear double standard if a WW cheats and then gets angrier with LBH for exposing it. WW cheated, deal with the consequences. What would W do if it were the other way around?
