Hi Sandi. Examples of loss would be primarily financial. I pay 90% of the monthly bills. W saves and pays for the big ticket items. Neither of us could afford our home without the others income. My L looked at the financials and agreed. I do not mean to one up anyone here by saying W is colder than everyone else's W. Im sure that there are crazier W's than her, but not by much. What are your thoughts on blowing up the A by snooping?
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
What are your thoughts on blowing up the A by snooping?
I don't think any site like this has everything figured out 100%. I love this site but I love 2 or 3 others too. Dr. Harley's exposure 101 is spot on in my opinion. I base that opinion on the % of success it has had and the number of times I've personally seen it work. In my own case I was following the DB way and basically stepping back and allowing my WW's disgusting behavior to continue unchecked. Well, continue it did, for way too long. You know what changed it? The other betrayed spouse found out and destroyed both their lives. When I say destroyed, I mean destroyed. Did she overdo it? Maybe, maybe not. I know it worked. Even though my wife and her husband weren't co-workers the OBS still blanketed the parking lot of my wife's company with fliers she had made that showed my wife's LinkedIn profile photo and then a stillshot from their security camera catching them in the act. She wrote a small paragraph basically saying are you aware that your Director of Finance is a lying cheating whore that sleeps with other women's husbands? She put them everywhere. It is a very conservative financial services company. My wife was asked to resign that day. They just didn't want any of this drama on their doorstep. She also got her husband fired because he had used company resources/trips to carry on affairs. She was the betrayed spouse from hell. Today her ex hubby is nothing. He lives with his mother and works as a remote consultant from mom's house where before he was an assistant vice president. She destroyed him.
Am I saying to blow it up like that? No. I'd say read exposure advice from the experts like Dr. Harley who have literally tens of thousands of saved marriages/recovery from affairs under their belts.
I know this. If you want your wife then you have absolutely ZERO chance as long as the A continues.
If he's married and the OBS doesn't know, that makes exposure very simple.
I tend to agree. Sometimes, doing nothing is just that. Nothing. I've read the carrot/stick theory. Tough love at its finest. Operation Snoop is underway. Stay tuned.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
I see your wanting to blow up the affair. Just remember your goals, You need to not forget to focus on yourself. If its not this guy it will be another. By exposing the affair you may get time on your side till the next OM. I am sure you will find that on this site exposing the affair is generally not recommended because the affair is not the problem, it your W, and until she changes nothing will change. You have no control over when she changes, it up to her. So the best thing to do is work on making you the best man you can be.
Wanted to say thank for your support on my thread.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Free, how did Germany do when it had to fight Russia and the United States on two different fronts? The OM needs to feel some heat at home. Voice activated recorders in the car are great. If she talks to him on the phone you may get his first name. From that you can go to company directory and narrow it down. You can search his first name and the company name, check images and see if you see his face. When you get his name it's all over. Can you check phone records? If you record her you are going to hear a lot upsetting thoughts. Remember she is deluded right now and it's not forever. Can you get photo's of them holding hands, kissing? Give that to the OM's wife and he'll have to sleep with one eye open.
Take your time and think your actions through. It get's a lot harder if she is suspicious. The turtle wins the race, be slow and steady.
I tend to agree. Sometimes, doing nothing is just that. Nothing. I've read the carrot/stick theory. Tough love at its finest. Operation Snoop is underway. Stay tuned.
I received advice to not interfere at all in her affair, just to be loving and the nice guy through all this. I used to joke that they were stopping just short of telling me to hold her hair back for her while she blows OM. The Marine in me absolutely could not follow such a model. There is only so much sh!t any person will eat. We all have our limit. I ate sh!t for a year and a half and then said F this. In my own case that was when the worm turned. Will that work for others? Not necessarily. Even though so many of these things are textbook and most cheaters follow the same script, it doesn't mean they're the same people. Your cheating wife might be very different from my cheating wife. Nobody knows your wife like you do. Not even OM. He just knows the fake version of herself that she projects to him.
The reason your loving spouse is always the better choice is because they know the real you. They know all your faults and shortcoming and they still love you. If there is a person in your life that knows all your shortcomings and faults and still loves you then you should not throw that away.
Those aren't my words. Those are words she got from a good friend and she shared them with me later, after this sh!tstorm had subsided and she had rejoined the sane world.
Thank you all. There's a lot to take in here. Tx, that is a good quote. I wish my W had friends that would say that to her. Investigating and exposing an A with a spouse who already stated that she wants a D is tricky, but there is nothing to lose and possibly nothing to gain but more heartache. I will proceed with caution.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
Operation Snoop-Day 1 Not much intel on OM, but I found that the D filing is imminent. This is the heartache I referred to in my last post. At least I know where I stand now. I've been preparing for the worst, and the worst is coming. A co-worker asked me if, after what's happened the last 8 months, do I regret marrying my W. No, I do not regret it at all. We have three beautiful children and did great things together. We built the American Dream. What it has turned into is highly unfortunate, and I wish I had seen the signs of unhappiness sooner. But, I did not. Still, I have no regrets in my choice of W, only regrets for my share of the demise. The real share, not her revisionist share. Times like these make you think of things that you never really think about. "Divorce? I'll never get divorced!" That was me a year ago. Look at me now. It does help to know that I am not alone. Thanks to all for your help and support so far. It is very appreciated.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
There is no point in snooping now, but the snooping ball is already rolling and is in progress. Whatever happens between them will happen. I really don't want to know any more than I already do with her A. I wish them nothing but bad luck. As for me, I need to save myself emotionally and financially. I spoke to my L and told him it is coming. I gave him his directions. Basically, I told him to stick his thumbs in her a$$ and break it open like a head of lettuce. No more Mr. Nice guy. L gave me some great ideas of things I should begin doing, and they are all legal. She will sh!t, but she brought this upon herself. I don't want to drag this out, but I cannot be the only one to take repeated losses. She will feel this D in ways she cannot fathom right now. When the fog lifts and she stands amid the wreckage that she created, there is one thing she will not see in the ruins. Me.
