Whenever it comes to ultimatums or timeframes like this on here Jguy, they just don't seem to work. If you want your M to workout, then live the letter, as opposed to writing it and telling it to her.
It sounds cliche, but be the man she'd be a fool to leave. Right now there's something that's missing for her that she's getting from OM. I highly doubt your letter will snap her out of it. Live it instead. Do your part for you. Start taking care of yourself and building up your own strength and self esteem without her. She'll either notice and make her own changes or not. This letter seems to be controlling under the surface, it's got an air of "I'm willing, so you better be too, or else."
Instead of working on the M, work on you. Get strong in the ways that you are not. Set your own boundaries about what you expect from yourself and practice living those as opposed to focusing on your W.
I can tell by your posts that your very introspective and sensitive. You know how you feel. You know the feelings underneath the feelings. What are some actions that you can do for yourself. Are there activities, projects, ways you can get your hands dirty?
GAL that lets you not dissociate from your feelings, but allows you to put them to the side for an hour at a time and do something fun, something that inspires you, something physical.
Your posts are still filled with thoughts of your W, how to better understand her, how it seems to understand her in ways that she doesn't understand herself, or before she does herself. Saving your M isn't about becoming a mystic.
What about Jguy? What about Jguy in relation to himself, not his W. What about S7? Are you working out? Eating well? What are your 180's? Are you coming at your sitch from a place of strength? Masculine strength?
It feels like you're coming at it with the notion that if you can just read into her a bit more deeply, either by understanding yourself, or her on the deepest level then this puzzle will be solved. That's my impression anyway.
I did the same thing in the beginning, looked at what was there and wasn't, how it all tied together, what the possibilities were, and how I could meditate and journal my way into having her come back. It ain't happening. She's on her path, you're on yours. But to get on yours you've got to let go of her for a bit. Your letter isn't letting go, it's quite the opposite - it's holding on tightly while talking about letting go.
At the beginning of our sitch's even our best attempt at detachment ends up with actions that have a subtle tie to how it may or may not effect our W's. The true power of DB'ing is when you're making decision regardless of how they may ever effect your wife - as long as they are positively effecting your life.
My 2c.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
