Back on these forums again 6

[Mona52]

I'm trying V and I think I can do it. I am looking at this stupid PC that I already fixed. It is 100% done. My friend Ron will not have to pay someone over $100 to do this for him. Not only did I fix his issue, but i got rid of a few issues he did not know he had.

Now when I look at the PC, I still hear my mind screaming at me. Ron and Josie are going to start this little PC (laptop) at the bar on Friday. They are going to point and laugh and tell everyone how stupid I am because I said I could fix the pc and it is ruined. Everyone will look at me as I am, a liar and stupid.

I never told Ron I could fix it. He heard what I do for a living and gave it to me to try. In reality, he does not EXPECT me to fix it. He has absolutely no idea that this repair is something very simple for me.

Okay, so I can overcome the idiot in my head by trying your technique. I can sort of see that it is lying because I can see that the PC works fine. But my brain still attacks, only in a different way.

This is so stupid, you wont understand. But It will be stressful if the computer does not work, but not half as stressful if the computer DOES work and he is happy. What if he starts it up and is very pleased. What if he tells anyone else in the group he is pleased? What if he and Josie say thank you?

That i cant handle more than if it did not work. It is so stressful that I dont even want to go on Friday. People will see I can fix a computer.


So V, I can easily place a funny voice on the idiot in my head telling me that I am not capable. Especially since the stupid thing is fixed. (And I have my phone now, the object that started my avalanche and no emergencies were missed). It works great. So my mind flipped the tables on me and now I am stressing about everything being OK.

I think I should point out that for me to have so many balls in the air, stress and anxiety are constant companions. I can pick myself up and function as needed even if I am extremely scared of something. I also cant stay low for long. Since the first go-around with DB'ing, my PMA is like freaking helium. So I struggle with my brain always giving me doom and gloom, but I can still joke and be happy and ignore my brain as needed. If I make too many mistakes, I go under, but I dont allow that to happen often.

I also try and keep myself as busy as possible, so my brain cant hurt me. The distraction works and raises mt PMA. So I may sound sad today, but I am not very sad. It is just an internal struggle.