Friendly neighbor, IP. Don't play house. You don't have to leave, but don't engage in long conversations either. As a matter of fact, next time he does it - be very busy. Call a girlfriend, a relative. Text like a fool. You don't have unlimited time for him - that kind of thing.
Friendly neighbor, IP. Don't play house. You don't have to leave, but don't engage in long conversations either. As a matter of fact, next time he does it - be very busy. Call a girlfriend, a relative. Text like a fool. You don't have unlimited time for him - that kind of thing.
IP (((HUGS))) Focus on you right now. When you ask how you should treat him, treat him in a way that is most helpful towards YOU. It is easier, less painful on us if we can pull far away from them. So to protect yourself from pain, when he comes over, go away. Dont do it so he thinks this or does that, do it for you.
The good news is, when you pull away you force him to become the pursuer. Dont get too worried if he does not pursue right away. It will take time for him to believe you are actually, really 100% pulling away. Since he is in a fog, it will take a ton of time. But you can focus on your needs and let him figure out his path.
Patience is the key. Now hurry up and be patient!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
IP (((HUGS))) Focus on you right now. When you ask how you should treat him, treat him in a way that is most helpful towards YOU. It is easier, less painful on us if we can pull far away from them. So to protect yourself from pain, when he comes over, go away. Dont do it so he thinks this or does that, do it for you.
Thanks so much for the hugs Mona, I certainly need them. I've been a mess today and last night: crying, not sleeping, not eating. It's like being back in BD day. I hadn't looked at it like that, that I should do what is least painful for me. I've been so busy trying to act happy and show my good side but it is slowly killing me. If I were to act in the best way for me I'd actually be ranting at him every time he came round :p so I guess I'll have to go for the middle ground and, as you say, leave the house or busy myself upstairs when he comes round. It is becoming more and more painful to see him. I want him to come home more and more each day.
Originally Posted By: Mona52
The good news is, when you pull away you force him to become the pursuer.
Now that would be awesome!
Originally Posted By: Mona52
Patience is the key. Now hurry up and be patient!
LOL the making me laugh award goes to you today Mona! Thank you!
Hi (((IP))) You're not alone. Mona's words apply to me too, and I'm grateful for them: "The good news is, when you pull away you force him to become the pursuer. Dont get too worried if he does not pursue right away. It will take time for him to believe you are actually, really 100% pulling away. Since he is in a fog, it will take a ton of time. But you can focus on your needs and let him figure out his path." (Mona52)
Today I move out of my home, and I don't know when I'll see my (x) partner again, or when we'll talk. I have to remember that it's time to work on me but I can't give up hope that she'll come back to me.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hi NYGal, thanks for the hugs and your post. It helps to know I'm not alone. I think people posting on here is the only thing keeping me sane right now!
Shall I suggest that we meet for a coffee while our H are with our kids?
I can relate to you about being a mess. I have been like that for nearly 2 weeks now. Want to slap H and make him come to his sense. It won't work because I'll try to fix him. I have to accept that it's over and he has moved on, so I must do the same!
That would be great Rouky! Do you think our Hs would manage to be with our kids at the same times so we can do that? Mine has broken yet another promise to see them tonight and he promised to help D with something so she's been very upset. S11 has had lots of what I can only describe as tantrums tonight. All three of us are clearly struggling under the strain of this. Want to slap mine and make him come to his senses too. I have found out last night that he paid for his mail to be redirected at the beginning of December! While he was still saying to me that he was undecided. Yet more tears. I'm sorry you've been a mess these last two weeks too. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. It is a living torture every single day. I know I must do the same, accept that it's over but I am really struggling to do that. We have been through so much and I have forgiven so much over the years and now HE'S the one who is done!?!?! I still think I'm going to pinch myself and it's all a nightmare. Why can't I wake up from it?
