In all relationships there has to be a minimum standard of acceptable conduct in order for people to remain connected, or attempt to connect, in a way that is healthy and positive. Based solely on your posts that I've read, you two are not there.
Based on DB principles, there's not a lot you can do until you and your H are both on the same page. Treating you with basic respect includes talking to you in a non-aggressive, threatening, or accusatory manner as much as it does not pursuing other women behind your back, etc.
When you point out things like, "Remember, if I walk away I get accused of ...", I think you are taking responsibility for his behavior and that is not healthy on your part, and abusive on his part for forcing you into that situation.
Doing a 180 does not include doing the opposite of enforcing basic decency and healthy, polite, respectful conduct and communication.
I'm not judging anyone nor telling you what to do. But if you had a daughter who was married to someone talking to her that way, and she came to you and said she felt like it was always her responsibility to keep the peace and not do anything to 'provoke' her husband's bad behavior, what would you think about that?
