Back to square one, not sure I can do this again!

[runn79r]

It's impossible to know if he will do it again. That's the key though, as you rebuild your life and yourself you will get to decide if he is someone you want in it. Who he is now is not someone you want, he will need to become a person who is good enough to be with you or at least convince you that he is on the path (knowing is the hard part). That's what I like about the lighthouse reference. The lighthouse does not "want" for ships, if does not worry about what ships think or do. It stands strong on its own, it does its job which happens to be to the benefit of the ships. It cannot save them from their own poor decisions though.

So do I "want" her back? Not as she is. I want my marriage and my family but there is no point wanting someone who will tear it apart again. If she changes to be someone who can be a good spouse and partner then she would certainly get preference. All I intend to do is make sure that I'm ready as a person if the stars align for that. But I no longer worry about her or if she's in my life. The wife I knew is gone so there is no point longing for something that can't be had again.