So I need some help with setting some goals I can actually achieve. I think I will just throw some stuff out there and see if anyone can help.
My weight: * So back in therapy - next appointment is 29th of Jan. Had one session before Christmas to set the scene of what I wanted to achieve around, my body image and self worth related to it. It's connection to my fear of intimacy (emotional more so than sexual) with men. A tool maybe I used for self flagellation. Why do I keep this weight. Has it served is purpose and beyond it's use by date.
* Appointment booked with a Naturopath on 18th of Feb, for full testing for physiological barriers to no weight loss and the hormone relationship to the depression. This is expensive and tipping into plastic surgery savings. But feels like it needs to be done.
* Paleo - I stopped eating Paelo from about the 31st through to the 5th. PMS symptom, emotional eating from feeling lonely and socialising - drinking wine which is something I never do. I have spent from the 6th of Jan to now going through the carb blues and period. No wonder I feel so crazy.
* Exercise - I signed back up to the gym on Sunday. Habitate for Fitness. It's got a functional fitness focus. I have access to a kettlebell, TRX (which I love) and spin class, also Yoga - which would be new for me. I met with a new trainer on Tuesday and we went through my weightloss/excercise/food saga. I hour meeting. Not the usual. So we agreed that weightloss would not be the priority. I told him a wanted to get really strong for my plastic surgery. He has interest in Olympic weightlifting. I told I like heavy over lots of reps. So it might be a good match. We will see.
Plastic Surgery: * I sent away for a full quote this week on the cost of just the surgery. OMG $15000NZ more than I had budgeted for. But I will suck this up. * Surgery date needs to move from April/May to the end of June as my work secondment has been extended. I am a little disappointed about this as I want the surgery sooner rather than later. But I guess this gives me time to get healthier mentally and physically.
Work: * As I said my secondment has been extended. I love the idea and the vision of the project I am working, however the day to day tasks involved, leave me unfulfilled. I am doing a lot of researching of children's child protection histories with the state and using his information with the child's current presentation with a recommendation to what interventions and support are needed in the here and now to address long standing complex needs the child is presenting with. The work facinates me. But it's not the part of social work I love. * So I am considering a change of career direction. I think I want to move into psychotherapy/hypotherapy. Something face to face, maybe setting up private practice in the future as a move into my 50-60's. I have looked at some study options. Really exspensive. And likely not going to fit into a financial plan for a couple of years.
Social life: * I have felt very lonely over the Christmas/New Year period. All of my close friends went out of Auckland for this period. So I spent a large proportion of it on my own. *I guess to make up for this I spent some time with a very lovely man, who I think I could fall very much in love with. I don't think he feels the same. I am more attached than he is. I don't like feeling the unrequitness of it all. * So to overcome these feelings I have dated up a storm since Christmas. I am not sure if this has been a good decision. I went into with an attitude of discovering male friendships, but the male/female dynamic is confusing for this girl. I really don't speak male at all. * I have wonder who I can extend my social cirle without dating. I think I find dating so much easier that making friends, because of the one on one nature of the interaction. Where has meeting people in social settings, brings out my social anxiety. I freeze at the thought of walking into any meetup situation. I find the idea compeltely pertrying. Now that I am writing this I know exactly why I feel my life is stalling. This social anxiety and phobia is stopping me from walking out of my house to enjoy activities with other people. Ok so now we know.
