Had a good time with S on Sat morning considering what I learned earlier. We went to a Wolf Sanctuary for rescued wolf dogs that people had bred but couldn't keep. Pretty interesting that I have lived around here for twenty years and never knew it was there. The kids stayed the night with my dad and I had the night of football to do whatever I wanted. I watched the games and grilled some meat then sat quietly alone to process my thoughts about my MR. I couldn't figure out if I was mad or hurt or confused or just plain stupid. Then I thought, so what so what if she does this, so what if she wants to disrespect herself. It is her choice, I can't control what she does or who she does it with. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes when she confirmed that she had consummated her infidelity. I know she is hurting and shameful of her actions yet continues on with the same behavior.
I think my biggest issue with it is her being so driven to do this even though it is so clear to her that it is completely destructive to her and our family. When she was leaving the house last night S clung to her and asked why she had to leave everyday. She said I just have to. S asks why do you have to? She said because of mine a daddy's relationship. He asks what about the relationship? She says it's complicated. He says I can understand complicated things! Why do you have to leave? I was chopping up my salad for dinner while this is going on right next to me. I kept it together but haven't looked at or contacted her since. She texted me this morning about some work stuff that I don't need to reply to. I can't believe she could do that. I don't have any reason to deal with her for awhile and really don't want to.
To paraphrase Dave Chappelle impersonating Rick James, affairs are a hell of a drug.
After something like this I wouldn't reply to her unless her F'ing head was on fire and even then I might have to stop and think. Don't worry about getting mad about this. I'll be mad for you. This makes me furious. Infidelity is one of the most cruel acts a person can commit against another person. If you need to vent it out then do it here with us. I've been there and I know what you're feeling. If you need to scream curse words are talk to those who know, that's what we're here for. I was feeling good about your situation and now this bullsh!t. It makes me angry. You be strong.
