dday, rebooted

[dday]

Thanks anc. It is the truth. I wish we weren't together so often, it makes this so much harder. I keep seeing signs, but I am looking for them. I need to stop. Haven't been able to do that yet for more than a few days at a time. Then back to this spiral.

Az. Thanks. I have seen xw every day for a week, so I guess it's a bit of both. I will keep it up though. I am more fun to be with now. Kids, not even just mine, come over and talk to me at ballgames etc. I am more outgoing. I am generally more comfortable with myself, especially when she isn't around. It's easier then for whatever reason. I have found many people who are helpful and concerned... that care about me. That is huge for my self worth, proves that I am a good person. I knew that, but positive reinforcement is a good thing.

I have no issues with being unlovable, just with the current sitch. I have had issues with being guilty about being happy... I know screwed up, but true. I have gotten past that, with help from ic. I have actually gotten over and through a lot of stuff from my past. That has been freeing.

The past couple days haven't been great. I will work on the rest of today being better. And tomorrow I get the boys. That is always more fun