That is really great insight, thank you! I do think he feels betrayed about the baby. I was hurt that he was telling all of our family that I tricked him, because I thought since we had left it unspoken, but continued taking actions to conceive, that he had changed his mind. Clearly he didn't.
As far as the plan to have 6, it was a mutual desire. We both come from families of 6 and have talked about it many times over the years. Yes, we were very naive at 19 about what all it would entail and I admit to selfishly wanting this 6th baby. I have always felt a strong desire for another baby and up til now he has felt the same.
I deeply regret not paying attention to his emotional needs (which is what the OW is now fulfilling) but don't know how to do anything about it now, since we are separated and he is hostile. I'm reading through a lot of the beginner threads and feel like right now I need to let him go, work on myself and the kids, detach, all of those things. I think he needs to work through this himself and thus far I've just been begging him to try and work it out. I'm stopping that.
