A new way of thinking...

[Painter]

How shocking and sneaky! He is obviously in full self-protect mode.

I know some divorce lawyers suggest that you get a new e-mail account and a PO Box just for the correspondence with them.

[Zues126]

Jaw on floor.

That's just creepy Anc. Makes you wonder if you should sweep your bedroom for hidden microphones.

Technology is scary these days.

In the end, though, what's cool is you have nothing to hide. For shame that you should want to understand how to be a better partner, stand by your marriage, and love him silently while he blows up your family.

Whatever. His journey.

Hey- Anc's husband- if you're reading this. Pull your head out of your rear, man up, and see if you still have time to cherish this woman.

[- MB -]

Ancaire, I'm just speechless...what a jerk. HE'S the one cheating, and he's checking up on you. It would be really hard for me not to feel paranoid about using my email after that. So sorry that he did that to you. You're a strong person though, you will get past this too.

[Ancaire]

I'm really fine, guys. I don't have anything to hide. He does, though. You ought to see Mr. Paranoid keeping all his devices tucked close to his side, all locked up and password protected. He's got thumbprint recognition on his phone! LOL

The thing about the forwarding? I asked him about it, and he looked shocked and surprised. Denied it, of course. But...it's not an accidental thing. I played with it a bit to see what you had to do.

I use G-mail to pick up my mail. So he had to go to settings, choose the forwarding tab, put his e-mail address in there, and wait for a confirmation code in his e-mail to enter. Then, an e-mail gets sent to MY account to let me know. He would have had to wait to delete that, too. It takes about 5 minutes to do...so it wasn't an accidental kind of thing. I took a picture of the screen with the forwarding address on there before I deleted it.

There's this thing about people who shamelessly abuse other people. They live in constant paranoia that someone else is doing the same thing to them. Forwarding private e-mail is not something that ever occurred to me! It's such an invasion of someone else's privacy, I can't even imagine doing it.

I'm not above snooping. I did it once in the early days to figure out just what the heck was going on. Once I knew, I didn't do it again...just too painful to me. I've also been guilty of peeking into Facebook a time or two to spy - but, I've since deactivated my account to prevent that activity. He really took a chance of learning something he didn't like, though. My mom has had a lot to say about his behavior - but we speak on the phone more than we e-mail. He really loves her, and what she thinks would crush him.

And then there's this possibility - What if I'd been contacting another man? He'd have flipped a lid! He's made it clear I'm not to be with anyone else. Just another aspect of "owning" me. He doesn't want me, but that doesn't mean he wants someone else to have me, either. It's like high school all over again.


I don't know what to make of it. He seriously looked so dismayed. Of course, he looked dismayed when I asked him if there was someone else, too - but something about his reply was off that time because my gut was screaming, "liar". It's not doing that this time.

Maybe I just don't care. That could be it, too. Nothing he does really surprises me anymore...and that's just sad.

[mutatio]

There is an opportunity to screw with him. You could set up a fake email account and have an email conversation back and forth and give him disinformation. Write things like "if he would get me my car back I would not ask for alimony" or " if he would leave me alone I would give him what he wants". Give him total BS, he might change his behavior and make this easier for you. Then let your lawyer bend him over.

[- MB -]

And then there's this possibility - What if I'd been contacting another man? He'd have flipped a lid! He's made it clear I'm not to be with anyone else. Just another aspect of "owning" me. He doesn't want me, but that doesn't mean he wants someone else to have me, either.

Remember the night that I got H to drive me home after my car battery went out, then I did ALL the wrong DB things while I had him trapped in his truck? Well, while I was asking him questions, making him feel extremely uncomfortable and very annoyed while pushing him away as far as I could, I asked him several questions and pushed him until he finally told me that he doesn't want to be married to me. So, I asked him if he was telling me that he wants me to move on and start dating and find another man. He just sat there in silence for a few minutes, then just looked at me completely expressionless and very quietly said "well, I guess you've got to do whatever you feel like you have to do." And, that was that. I know that he doesn't want me to move on, but he wouldn't say it.

The part where he said he doesn't want to be married to me, I'm going to file that away under the category of "Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do." I wish he missed me and thought of me as much as I miss and think about him.

[Mona52]

I can help you do one better Judy I will send you a CD. We can write on the outside of the CD "Important papers for Lawyer"

On the CD I will whip up a tiny keylogger. He will 'borrow' your CD if he sees it. Once he pops it into his computer my keylogger will be installed and he will never know. Now every keystroke and screens shots of all his activity will be emailed directly to you. With no traces left on his PC, lol

We didn't do it, he stole your disk and did it to himself

I am not a criminal, that is the type of attack I have to protect my university from so I try and keep up to date on the best ways to attack a PC

Calm down guys, I wont REALLY do it. Just like I would love to shake him and wake him up. Even though I am ABLE to shake him, I wont REALLY shake him. It is just nice to dream.

I am flabbergasted how positive you are after learning how he betrayed you again. You are amazing!

[Ripe]

Ancaire, since we are talking about dirt...
Your H could also have installed a keylogger in your PC.
Mona mentioned we could install one in his, but the opposite might already just have happened.
I say this because I installed one in mine back when my STBXW used the computer.
It was the most shameful thing I ever did in my life.
I already told STBXW about this and up to this day she says she does not trust me.
Mona will tell you if I am right or wrong, but the only way to be sure is to format the hard drive and install everything from scratch.
I apologize for raising this suspicion but I am only doing it because I did it myself, me, pure and honest Ripe, which everybody said was the most honorable person they knew.

[Ancaire]

Mona - I want that CD!!! What fun that would be. And you think I'm positive? I think I'm detached. LOL I just don't really care - just more ways he's let me down.

Mutatio - let my lawyer bend him over? Really? LMAO
My L spent the majority of the day trying to find out how to have H thrown in jail. She is angry. I'm still not convinced he did it. If he did, shame on him.

Ripe: Thanks for sharing that. I know it was hard. I've done all kinds of things I would never have believed myself capable of. Divorce does not bring out the best in us.

Let it go. It's past and the only power it has to shame you is the power you give it. Over, done, forgotten.

You're still an awesome person!

[Painter]

Ancaire, his genuine shock and dismay may have been over you finding out. If you saw his e-mail account as the forward to-address, who else would have done it?

I have had shock after shock about what my H was capable of doing and planning behind my back. It's like they go into a self-protective state without understanding that they are the ones who started the attacks.