Man, I'm still so torn up. I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow who is using the same lawyer I already consulted. $5000 only gets you 10 hours and our case is so complicated for various reasons.
He also, once again, brought up having to buy plane tickets to see his D. I reminded him that this was his choice, but of course he refused that. Later I get a response to the email I had sent after our fight, he asks what's the next step and said it will probably be difficult to communicate if I solely blame him for making me move to Europe. Idiot!
So many hugs. I know this [censored] to h*ll and back.
If you are in NYC, things are so expensive. But you probably should talk to a couple of other lawyers, just to compare costs and points of view. Around here, many attorneys will do a free initial short meeting.
(If he had consulted an attorney on his own, he would know that there is language that is common in decrees that spousal support ends if the receiver remarries or co-habitates with a romantic partner. (don't want a roommate situation to end SS)
When I was meeting wit attorneys with a friend, at least two of them said that the leaver always thinks divorce is easier than it is in reality. Often, they haven't really given things a thought more than actually leaving. They are surprised that the reality is what it is.
Did the mediator provide insight to him or you on how things really work?
Do you think he has a clue that you might fight back? When he said file for temporary spousal support -- did he think you would do that on your own or get an attorney?
I def think this wasn't thought all the way through on his behalf. My (our) IC says so as well. He's been acting out of desperation. Every time lawyers are brought up he reminds me just how expensive that will get and he can't/won't pay for mine. I'll have to do that and he knows I'm reluctant.
He is well aware that a new man in my life would end the spousal, he said it would be unfair for him to have to pay while I was with someone, but not yet married.
Here is another thought -- what if you pay an attorney to draw up papers reflecting your terms. Tell him to sign them -- he either has to sign or present a counter offer.
He is quite simply acting like an a*s and forcing you to lawyer up. That isn't the way spousal works- spousal support is given to help you get on your feet after a marriage. Simply dating someone doesn't relieve him of his obligation.
He came by to pick up D and was nice. Asked if we could talk about that job for me for half an hour when he drops her off. Wonder why he's suddenly so nice.
He is being nice because he doesn't want you to "fight" back. He is worried you will hold him financially accountable and that isn't working into his plan (or lack of plan).
It's called the "sweet cycle". Bullying didn't work. Now he's going to "work with you".
Gmum- I'm a homemaker. I had to pay for the L, but we've requested he pay my legal costs. He's the reason I needed a L to begin with!
Temporary spousal support is a formal financial arrangment for the period preceding divorce. It spells out who pays the bills, money due to you, and sometimes even covers temporary visitation. What if he suddenly decided to stop paying rent? You need temporary support. Figure out what you need to stay where you are for now - or what you'll need for the new place, etc. They'll draw up a nice agreement making it mandatory he pay for all that.
