Waw, she is in love, need advice/support

[Bear007]

We had a talk about future that she initiated, I have not placed obstacles, just asked for more time to think things through.

So far I have made my priorities:
-financial agreement/stability
-child well-being (D9) and her interests
-my parents and their relationship with grand-daughter

[Cristy]

Hi Bear007,

At this point you can't believe any of what she says and 1/2 of what she does.

She is rewriting history by saying that she never loved you passionately, more like a friend. Her current state of mind is clouding her perspective, even though she believes it right now.

I strongly urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting coach as soon as possible. There is much that can be done. Call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Bear007]

I am aware of the rules, not to believe what she does or says.

I am also aware that I should let her go and not to go into loan for buying an apartment, but rather to show 'tough love'.

Problem is that I know her and she might make my life and seeing my child a nightmare.
She is determined to file papers asap, and I will let her do the groundwork, meantime going through what I want from life myself.

[Bear007]

Since we still live in the same household, and she still sleeps in bed yesterday night she said she was horny and needed me. I politely declined the offer, said I was tired, and then she snuggled.

I am aware that this is more than she should get, but on the other side might be that she realized some things.

today I found this response and it makes perfect sense:

It is very common for a WW to test the H through sex. She feels she is still in control when he caves to her sexually.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545725#Post2545725


So, friends with benefits, or BFFx is out of question now, that is something that I was looking for as last resort. My strategy is changing daily, as I am waiting for the book to arrive.

[Bear007]

Again, I declined her yesterday, she got mad after this since she is not used to me not being in the mood.

I politely explained that it was her decision to ask for divorce and that I don't feel it is the right thing to do.
She then asked if she can file papers for divorce and will I tell to the court that we have tried everything since it will be faster.
My reply was that I dont want to lie.
Then she started with threats: 'do you want to make your life a living hell, so you want a divorce'.

After that I said I will think about it.

[G8r]

Hi Bear,

Sorry you're in the sitch that you're facing. It's heart breaking and tough.

There are lots of sympathetic ears and wisdom provided on this board. It's also a better place to vent than your W. Good luck on your journey.

[Bear007]

Hi G8r,

thanks for the support, I am trying to read more into posts until the book arrives, but for now it is very conflicting, even with some things I have already promised.

I keep my promises, unlike W...

There is growing resentment in me that tells me to let her go and enjoy single life, so biggest priority now for me is to find out what I want from life.

[Cadet]

Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.

Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.

Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.

[Bear007]

My post of the day - yesterday we talked again about separation, and 2 questions came:
Alimony - child support. She wants it, and I don't want to pay it to her, since we can agree that time spent with child will be 50-50

which brings to second topic - yes we can have joint custody but child has to be registered at one address - so she wants her address (which then brings obligatory alimony) and I want child to stay at her current address (me).

we really did not come up to conclusion about this topic because she does not want to give up.

My strategy is to offer her 2 choices:

1 she gets apartment and money to get renovatios or whatewer she wants, and I get chil's primary address, 50-50 on time

2 ugly divorce, no apartment, she moves to her mother, court decides on child.

what is your opinion? Can she be reasoned with?

[sandi2]

what is your opinion? Can she be reasoned with?

Well, she sounds like she's a bully who threatens people (or just you) to get her way. My suggestion is to get legal advice from your state, and find out what she can & can't do that would hurt you.

I feel sure she will use the child, as her leverage, b/c that's really all she has to hold over your head, isn't it? That's why you need a lawyer's advice. Also, he can tell you what to do about your finances. If it were me, I would be separating my money into a private account, before she wipes it clean. Cover yourself and all your bases.