Back to square one, not sure I can do this again!

[- MB -]

It's just really hard because I try to believe what he tells me, but I know that you're not supposed to believe ANYTHING they tell you. After not seeing me for 5 weeks, he was SO glad to see me and just kept repeating "I never thought this would happen." He was talking about me coming back to him. I reminded him that I was giving him the space that HE asked for. He apologized over and over for hurting me and for the OW, and for the way he treated me. He told me that he has led her to believe that he wanted a future with her, but that that was not anything that he had ever wanted. And, he stopped talking to her the very next day. She kept texting him though. He said he didn't respond, and I tried to believe that, but who knows. He didn't even have to think about it. He saw me and immediately wanted to break it off with her. I didn't ask him to do that, didn't lead him in that direction, he just told me and then did it. So WTF happened 12 days later that made him have a panic attack and break it off with ME again? That's what I just don't get. If I could just understand what happened in his mind, his thinking process, then maybe I could understand. But, I seem to be having a problem making sense out of nonsense.

And, when the OW came walking into his house while I was there, I could have just died! I just stood there in complete shock and wished the floor would swallow me whole. That is a memory that I am afraid will replay over and over in my mind until the day I die. just can't get the image of her and the sound of her voice out of my head.