Beautifully expressed Jellyb, so moving and vulnerable. Please, please embrace the side of yourself that believes. The side that has faith. The side that is willing to simply put one foot in front of the other towards the direction of adventure and happiness.
There is SO much out there for you to enjoy Jellyb. So much beauty, so much love, so many people that are yearning for a role model such as yourself. Someone that felt the fear and did it anyway. Someone who had gotten knocked down but picked herself up and smiled at the world - despite the harsh realities of it.
I see nothing but glorious potential written in that post. Potential for the life you have desired all the way up to this moment. It's there, it's not far. You've done the work, it's so damn evident. Your heart is massive Jelly, its MASSIVE! It cares for everyone on this forum and creates poetry in your posts.
I too Jellyb, love and cherish you. You are there already.
PP
Thank you for the championing PP. A girl like me doesn't know what to do when the most popular boy in school sends a smile her way.
It is interesting that you use the word potential. Both Mr Ex and Mr M, both used it. It's a harsh word. When they said it, it always broke my heart. I always felt like the runt in the litter when they said it. Please know that I am fully aware that it was not your intention in your comment. I feel I know your heart well enough to know your intent.
Mr M used to tell me I was a caterpillar in a cocoon and that he spent most or our relationship waiting for the butterfly. I think his intention was communicate his love and desire to see me be the best version of myself. All I heard was that I was green, fat caterpillar, lying dormant in a cocoon shell.
I don't mean to make light of your opinion of me or celebration of what you see in me. It is assuring to me that people see that I try hard, but I struggle. It's important to me that people see my honesty, integrity and desire to do and be better. If that is what you see then I am pleased.
Thank you PP, you have been a great friend and light in my life.
